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June 3rd, 2020

Congratulations to Steve from Kent who wins this month’s raffle prize – a signed copy of the latest J&M book, Ha Ha!

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Discussion (26)¬

  1. Laripu says:
    June 3, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    Misspelled in the last frame: should be “witlesses”. ?

  2. MarkyWarky says:
    June 3, 2020 at 2:32 pm

    Genuine misspelling in frame 3; “thanks“ should be “thank”, or maybe you meant “thanks be to..”

  3. Author says:
    June 3, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Thanks, MarkyWarky. Not a misspelling though, just a missing comma.

  4. Alan Flynn says:
    June 3, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    *Jehovah’s. They maintain He’s very particular about His name.

  5. Anonymous says:
    June 3, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    Man, I’m so bored I’d even welcome JW’s at the door.

    They haven’t called on me for years. I don’t know if it’s because they are now exclusively doing passive witnessing on the street with their display stand of tracts, or if my address is on a ‘no-go’ list…

    …Last time they called, I kept them talking for at least 45 minutes until they begged leave saying they were only supposed to spend a short time at each door.

    It was only after they left that I realised my fly had been open the whole time. Oops!

  6. arbeyu says:
    June 3, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    Oops! I forgot to select my name when I posted a comment about being so bored that I would welcome JW’s. Does that mean it will have vanished entirely or might it eventually appear as an ‘anonymous’ post?

  7. arbeyu says:
    June 3, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Either I have my stupid-head on today (quite possible), or my web-browser has forgotten the name and email address against which I have posted in the past.

  8. CliffB says:
    June 3, 2020 at 4:23 pm

    Very clever. We were all expecting the last frame to be the boys congratulating themselves on the efficacy of prayer, despite the fact that the barmaid is 99.9999% certain to arrive with the beer. The surprise from the door makes it even funnier and gives another bunch of superstitious loonies a walk-on part (well, metaphorically-speaking, of course, as we didn’t actually see them).

  9. Luxi Turna says:
    June 3, 2020 at 6:15 pm

    God damn, your stuff just keeps getting funnier and more relevant each week. I cant wait for the next one! THANK YOU!

  10. Succubus ov Satan says:
    June 3, 2020 at 6:20 pm

    The JW’s are probably exempt from the lockdown due to “Pyramid power”

  11. Son of Glenner says:
    June 3, 2020 at 6:51 pm

    Good to see the Barmaid once more making an appearance, although a bit more off-stage than usual, and unfortunately not with any lines to say.

    Ah well, maybe next week?

  12. Jveeds says:
    June 3, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Speaking of the JWs, A.J. Jacobs, in his masterful book “The Year of Living Biblically” talks about how he has “just done something few human beings have ever achieved. I have out-Bible-talked a Jehovah’s Witness.” (p. 77)

  13. Ophelia Benson says:
    June 3, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    Hahaha they called on me a few months back. I was very…direct.

  14. Laripu says:
    June 4, 2020 at 5:37 am

    Years ago Jehovah’s witlesses and Mormons used to come round. I decided it would be fun to make them listen to me recite, Frank Zappa’s “Dumb All Over”, from memory, as an a capella rap. They stopped coming.

    The last climactic lines of the song are:

    So if we’re dumb, the god is dumb!
    And maybe a little ugly in the side.

  15. Someone says:
    June 4, 2020 at 2:32 pm

    I haven’t been approached by a JW in nearly a decade, and usually just send them on their way and close the door.
    In the unlikely event they do show up, I’ll just cough and wheeze messily in their direction and see how quickly they run like hell. More entertaining than a video game.

  16. Walter says:
    June 4, 2020 at 8:43 pm

    In response to Cliff

    We see Jesus, Mo and Moses, but not the barmaid. Perhaps She is D-G, for which reason She is never shown.

    More likely the author can’t draw women.

  17. Walter says:
    June 4, 2020 at 8:43 pm

    We see Jesus, Mo and Moses, but not the barmaid. Perhaps She is D-G, for which reason She is never shown.

    More likely the author can’t draw women.

  18. Forteatwo says:
    June 5, 2020 at 2:09 pm

    We have a fairly active JW congregation in our small community. They paid me a visit in the usual fashion late last fall. It was an older man and a young boy, perhaps 10 y/o. I asked them in and shared with them some pages from a scrap book I have assembled over the years.
    The first page of the scrapbook is a photo of six ancient gods with a brief bio of each. Horus 3000 BC, born of a virgin December 25th, 12 Disciples, star in the east visited by 3 Kings; Attis 1200 BC born of a virgin, crucified, resurrected 3 days later, then Mithra 1200 BC, Krishna, Dionysus etc all with bios similar to Jesus Christ.
    The older man sat with a look of confusion, but the young boy was totally focused as I explained to him that Christianity and its variants, including Jehovah’s Witness is a religion cobbled together from parts of many religions that came thousands of years before it, modified to fit the times; and that this is the case with all religions.
    When they left I sensed this young boys life had changed. Kids often have an innate sense of when they are being lied to and when someone is being truthful. Rather than disrespecting these door to door preachers sometimes you can make a difference by challenging them. And it is kind of fun.

  19. Son of Glenner says:
    June 5, 2020 at 4:23 pm

    Forteatwo’s story reminds me:

    I have long felt that the correct way to respond to a direct approach is: When they introduce themselves as a JW, a Mormon, or whatever, tell them that you can help them with their problem – but they have to be willing to be helped. Unfortunately, since I thought of it, the only time I was doorstepped by a JW, they caught me at an awkward moment (don’t they always!) so I did not have the time to put that strategy into practice, and just gave them the FO, as most people do.

    Evidently Forteatwo thought of this before me and actually carried it out. Hats off to him/her. Next time they’re in the old Cock & Bull pub, have a pot of Earl Grey on me.

  20. Forteatwo says:
    June 5, 2020 at 6:37 pm

    SoG, here is the link to the photo alluded to in the prior post: http://loltheists.com/?p=778
    Many of you have no doubt seen it but if you have not, check it out. It is a powerful visual statement and potent ammunition against righteous door to door salesmen.

  21. Son of Glenner says:
    June 5, 2020 at 9:23 pm

    Forteatwo: Thank you for that link. Make that a pot of Earl Grey with little sandwiches, scones and sweet biscuits!

  22. Dr John the Wipper says:
    June 6, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    My favorite memory of JWs goes back more than 50 years.
    My father was a greenhouse farmer, and in those days the children had to help out.
    In high summer daytime temps could go over 40 degrees C (= 104 F).
    Those circumstances are acceptable for light work, if used to, very lightly dressed to allow sweat freely evaporating for cooling, and drinking enough to be able to sweat profusely.
    One of those days a middle aged couple with a younger daughter came by “to bring the happy message” (that happened at least once a month)
    My mother had grown tired of them; and acted the docile wifey. Told them to discuss it with her husband, and he would choose for the whole family. She pointed them to the greenhouse.
    Yes, they were fully dressed up.
    Upon seeing them coming, my father looked at me and my brothers, pointed to our drink, and shook his head.
    Being raised as (grand-)children of a RK churchmaster, we were rather well versed in biblical knowledge, and were specifically interessed in its juicy parts and internal contradictions.
    We kept them going for some 45 minutes, till WE (used to and dressed for the circumstances) were really longing for a drink.
    Need I add that it was the last JW visit that I am aware of?

    And yes, all of us converted to atheism within a few years.

  23. two cents' worth says:
    June 9, 2020 at 3:35 pm

    Great story, Dr. John! Just one thing–what does RK mean?

  24. Dr John the Wipper says:
    June 10, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    2ct:
    RK = Rooms-Katholiek = Roman Catholic

  25. madfilkentist says:
    June 14, 2020 at 1:41 pm

    Moses won’t say “G-d” in full, but he’ll say “Jehovah”?

  26. Muscleguy says:
    June 27, 2020 at 10:07 pm

    I became anathema to the JW’s. Two knocked on my door one Sat morn. An old guy and young padawan. The padawan made the mistake of asking why I was atheist. Well with an invitation like that I then spent the next 15-20min filling that young guy’s head with as many atheist, evolutionary and just scientific mindworms I possibly could.

    As they left the old one gave his padawan a look which said ‘wait till I get you back to the hall’.

    Well for about a decade after I would see and hear them do the neighbours the folks across the road and leave us blissfully alone. Here be dragons, there be the AntiChrist.

    Then they forgot and two middle aged female JW’s interrupted my preparations for a run. One accused me of answering the door in my nightwear. I had to put her right. My scientific patter sadly went right over their heads, they were a dead loss. They were doing the house on the corner as I ran past them, proving us atheists do not lie about our intentions.

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