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Discussion (82)¬

  1. Ian Jones says:

    One for @MoAnsar I think

  2. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Ooh, religious double-standards. Who’da thunkit?

  3. Thank you so much for this.

  4. Mary - Canada says:

    Brilliant as usual.

  5. I saw this one coming, Author, which didn’t detract at all from the punch line. in fact it added a sense of anticipation. Good going.

  6. DKeane says:

    This actually has a bit of relevance to the recent criticism of Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and the late Hitchens.

  7. Ron Murphy says:

    Do you suppose @ggreenwald subscribes? Sorry, I mean does he subscribe to Jesus & Mo. We know he subscribes to the idea that criticism of Islam is Islamophobia.

  8. Mother Goose says:

    Perfect!!!

  9. E.A. Blair says:

    IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.

    — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

  10. Nassar Ben Houdja says:

    Gracious a disrespect of Islam
    Get the united nations to demand all nations give a dam
    In the name of the profit, the infidel
    Must be murdered, as the Qur’an does tell
    And down everyones throat, Islamic love and peace, ram.

  11. Erichalfabee says:

    Nasser, I don’t know if that counts as poetry but it made the cartoon.

    Author, Again; nice one.

  12. omg says:

    Every religion always preach tolerance…
    But just toward its own …

  13. Erichalfabee says:

    Nassar, I don’t know if that counts as poetry but it made the cartoon.
    E
    Author, Again; nice one.

  14. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Once again, Nassar, a wonderful idea hidden inside your trademark impenetrable poetry, but please justify my faith in you by confirming that ‘profit’ was deliberate.

    Ron Murphy, whatever one might think of Greenwald, he’s right about the kneejerk rush in the media and everywhere else to blame Muslim terror groups for the Boston bombing – as demonstrated by the media declaiming the 20-year-old Saudi lad a ‘suspect’. That’s Islamophobia pure and simple. In fact, I find very little to disagree with in his Gaurdian column; http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/16/boston-marathon-explosions-notes-reactions

  15. Dan says:

    I think someone should collect the complete works of Nasser and publish them as one epic poem with each posting as a stanza.

    It would be both dreadful and wonderful at the same time.

  16. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    A great idea Dan. Did you know Nassar is the worlds first William McGonagall tribute act?
    Seriously though, it’s a shame his verse is so…..torturous, because how he writes too often detracts from what he’s written. If, as I have often suggested, his poor verse is deliberate then it’s done brilliantly; I think it takes real talent to deliberately write so convincingly poorly. If, on the other hand, he really is a bad poet with great ideas, then he’s a very thick-skinned one, and I for one can only admire his persistence.

  17. And there’s Fazil Say, too, convicted of “blasphemy” and inciting hatred for saying some innocuous things on Twitter.

  18. VoteCoffee says:

    I’m a bit disappointed in barmaid’s lack of openmindedness towards broadway in panel 2. I thought those southpark guys did swell.

  19. JoJo says:

    Nassar is a Vogon.

  20. HaggisForBrains says:

    JoJo – Well spotted; can’t wait to see his avatar.

  21. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    VoteCoffee says:
    April 18, 2013 at 1:00 am
    I’m a bit disappointed in barmaid’s lack of openmindedness towards broadway in panel 2. I thought those southpark guys did swell.

    Are you accusing dear Barmaid of homophobia?

  22. VoteCoffee says:

    AOS- I didn’t realize it, but that scenes to be the general director I was pointe in…

  23. VoteCoffee says:

    The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
    They lay. They rotted. They turned
    Around occasionally.
    Bits of flesh dropped off them from
    Time to time.
    And sank into the pool’s mire.
    They also smelt a great deal.
    -Paul Neil Milne Johnstone

    JoJo – I figure Nassar ought to have something to aspire to…

  24. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    The boy stood on the burning deck
    Picking his nose like mad
    He rolled ‘em into little balls
    And flicked ‘em at his dad.
    The boy stood on the burning deck
    His feet all covered in blisters
    He had one hand down his trouser front
    The other down his sister’s.

    VoteCoffee; baby steps. One doesn’t teach a novice physics by starting with string theory.

  25. AoS,
    You needed to issue a coke alert with that one buddy. I was reading it and thinking “After VoteCoffee why is AoS even bothering?” Then I got to your last line. Too funny.

  26. omg says:

    VoteCoffee, Acolyte of Sagan, floridakitesurfer :
    I must admit, I’m completely lost. But it is nice to see that you have fun.

    I must admit: I find it hart to understand Limerick. I’m not sure if the poem you are referring to are Limerick at all. They don’t seem to have the right number of lines…

  27. omg says:

    Oops, perhaps that is what you are referring to when you say :
    One doesn’t teach a novice English speaker by starting with Limerick.

  28. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    omg says:
    April 19, 2013 at 6:41 pm
    Oops, perhaps that is what you are referring to when you say :
    One doesn’t teach a novice English speaker by starting with Limerick.

    It’s almost the opposite, omg. The limerick is one of the simplest forms of poetry and so is ideal for novices, as I’ll demonstrate shortly. Neither VoteCoffee’s nor my poems were limericks; mine was a very basic rhyming technique whilst VoteCoffee’s was classic, complex poetry, and my message was that it is better to start a novice with the basics.

    Now, a limerick is a 5-line poem. The 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines have an equal number of syllables (the last line may contain one syllable more, but only if it fits the metre, or rythmn, of the limerick as in my second example below), and the last word of each of these 3 lines must rhyme; the 3rd and 4th lines also have an equal number of syllables, but less than the other 3 lines, and the last word of these two lines must also rhyme (but not rhyme with the other 3 lines).
    Examples of limericks, with number of syllables in brackets:

    There once was a man from Nuneaton (9)
    At high jump he’d never been beaten (9)
    when he was asked why (5)
    He said “Tell no lie (5)
    It’s all the spring cabbage I’ve eaten”. (9)

    There once was a man from Brazil (8)
    Who swallowed a dynamite pill (8)
    His heart it retired (5)
    His bottom backfired (5)
    And his penis shot over a hill. (9)

  29. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    FKS, sorry about that. I do hope the coke you lost was the soda variety? ;-)

  30. omg says:

    Thank, I think it is the first time the limericks are explained in a way that I can understand. That didn’t mean I could write some of them.

  31. In response to vote coffee bean
    AoS is both funny and mean
    OMG asks for charity
    AoS delivers clarity
    And I spew coke on the screen

    That was probably more fun for me to write than it will be for you all to read.

  32. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    fks, not bad for a coke-snordrinking surf dude. Are you channelling Nassar? :-)
    Seriously though, unless ‘poem’ is an acronym for ‘police officer’s entrapment method’ I don’t think I’ve been the subject of a poem before, much less noted for providing clarity. Cheers, mate, you’ve made my day.

  33. VoteCoffee says:

    To be fair, the reference to Paul Neil Milne Johnstone was in response to the Vogon reference. It’s a well known Hitchhiker fact that vogons are only the 3rd worst poets in the galaxy. You can wikipedia the rest… :D

    FKS:
    There once was a man who wrote limricks
    But see, rhyming is hard now, innit?
    Mean needed a rhyme
    Wrong place and wrong time
    He beaned my screen name for his gimmick

  34. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    I don’t need to wiki it; I have all five of the trilogy in dead tree form.
    To be honest, though, I don’t think that their poetry was the Vogons’ defining characteristic. And don’t forget, Nassar probably wasn’t even born when Adams wrote that,so they may have been nudged to fourth spot.
    Which reminds me:
    Jesus said “Come forth and win my love”.
    I came third and won a book token.

  35. floridakitesurfer says:

    “He beaned my screen name”
    I really like that.

  36. JoJo says:

    The Duchess, whilst pouring out tea,
    Once asked, “Do you fart when you pee?”
    I replied with some wit,
    “Do you belch when you shit?”
    And I think that was one up to me….

  37. JoJo says:

    There once was a man called Brecht,
    Whose penis was seldom erect,
    But when he was humming,
    His wife knew he was coming
    On account of the Doppler effect….

    There once was a man called Brent,
    Whose dong was so long that it bent,
    To save him from trouble,
    He stuck it in double
    And instead of coming, he went

  38. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Well I was trying to keep it clean, but I love the Brecht one, JoJo.

    Now, about that woman from Leeds
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
    In less than an hour
    Her clit was in flower
    And her arsehole was bunged up with weeds.

  39. Martin says:

    Well, if we’re on limericks, may a long-time lurker join in?

    There was a young lady from Bude
    Who lay on the beach in the nude.
    A young man came along,
    And, unless I am wrong,
    You expected this line to be rude.

    There was a young man from Madras
    Who had an incredible ass.
    Not round and pink
    As you probably think,
    It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

  40. floridakitesurfer says:

    Martin reminded me of this one:

    Of all the fishes in the sea,
    the ones I like best are bass.
    They climb up on the rocks and trees
    and slide down on their hands and knees.

  41. Dalai Llama says:

    There was a young man from Japan
    Whose limericks never would scan.
    When told this was so,
    He said, “yes, I know.
    I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”

    There was a young lad from Hong Kong
    Who thought limericks were too long.

  42. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Oh no! A witty poem-off.

    Mary had a little lamb
    Her father shot it dead
    And now it goes to school with her
    Betwixt two bits of bread.

    Mary had a little lamb
    The doctors were mystified.

    Mary had a little pig
    She couldn’t stop it grunting
    o she tied it to the garden gate
    And kicked its little head in.

  43. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Oh, and welcome to the Cock and Bull, Martin. With limericks like that you’ll fit right in.

  44. B1gR1d3r says:

    This is totally off topic but should be shared with you all.

    http://onion.com/YRCUHA

  45. IanB says:

    There was a young lady from Ryde,
    Who ate green apples and died.
    The people lamented
    The apples fermented
    And made cider, inside her inside.

  46. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    This one’s from last September*, but as we seem to be in a silly mood;
    http://www.jesusandmo.net/2011/04/20/piety2/
    A suicide bomber called Mo
    Was Jewish by birth don’tcha know
    He hijacked a Boeing
    And said “We are going
    to my brother’s scrapyard, Walthamstowe.

    *And the winner was never announced (see last few comments of link).

  47. omg says:

    B1gR1d3r, Very funny. If God would exist, it could be a real interview.

  48. Ah, the limerick. What fun. While we’re on the subject of poetry:

    There was a young man named McNamiter
    With a dick of prodigious diameter
    But it wasn’t it size
    Gave the girls a surprise
    ‘Twas his rhythm, iambic pentameter.

  49. omg says:

    Since we are sharing poetry, let me share this with you. I must admit I cried listening to this (please forgive me if the one I post is not as funny as yours):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOIbgd5qcrg

  50. omg says:

    I tried to find her channel on youtube. But it has been closed ( It is a shame).
    I think her other video should be very interesting to look at. But now, they have been lost.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmbyZot1NPU&feature=BFa&list=WL9B16FCEED537C67C&lf=feedwll

  51. IanB says:

    omg – Thanks, wish I’d found her stuff before, so very powerful.

  52. JoJo says:

    Mary had a little sheep
    And with this sheep she went to sleep
    The sheep turned out to be a ram
    Mary had a little lamb…

  53. Brother Daniel says:

    There was a young man from Purdue
    Whose poems all ended on line two.

    There was a young man from Verdun.

  54. omg says:

    Brother Daniel,
    If I understand correctly your poem, this one should work (you will need a little work to find the link):

    There was a young man from Broadway
    Whose poems all ended on line two.

    There was a young man from Maine.

  55. omg says:

    So, it seem to work like this:
    In French: 2 = deux and (almost) rhyme with Purdue, 1 = un and thyme with Verdun.

    In Dutch: 2 = twee and (almost) rhyme with Broadway, 1 = een and (almost) rhyme with Maine.

    I’m right?

  56. fenchurch says:

    We’re ‘angry atheists’, doing lines
    (Or, rather, casting pearls before swines)
    But pork ain’t kosher!
    So now what’s grosser?
    Bad poetry, or religious fines?

  57. fenchurch says:

    (Meh. You’d never guess I’m an English Major.)

  58. omg says:

    IanB,
    I find it a very beautiful poem. Very sad and at the same time so beautifully recited. If you want the text, you can find it there:
    http://www.poetrygrrrl.com/sharia-law-shes-buried-chest-high-by-nessrriinn/

  59. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    fenchurch says:
    (Meh. You’d never guess I’m an English Major.)

    Wow! Which regiment, ma’am*? ;-)
    By the way, to certain people ‘doing lines’ has nothing to do with writing the same sentence a hundred tmes. Saying it, maybe, but not writing.

    *That’s ma’am as in jam, not as in harm.

  60. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    omg, yes, you got the point of the good Brother’s verse perfectly.

    So, in the same vein I wonder
    Could it be
    that extremely long-winded poets
    whose verse just seems
    to go on
    and
    on
    and
    on
    forever
    and
    ever
    ad infinitum
    always prefer to write with ink
    of vermillion?

  61. omg says:

    AoS,
    You raise the bar quite alot… I have no ideas for this one.
    I will need some help for this one. I could only find that vermilion has been used for a long time and that it last very long. Did it have a link with a “extremely long-winded poets”? I don’t think so.

  62. floridakitesurfer says:

    What is the difference between Jesus and Mo,
    and a terrorist with hand grenade ready to throw?
    One makes religious nuts look really bad.
    Pathetic losers. Impotent. Sad.
    The other is Jesus and Mo

  63. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    omg, the ink had to be vermillion-coloured, since it rhymes with several very large numbers, and my ‘poem’ (scare-quotes <definitely necessary) was a continuation of the theme started by Brother Daniel.

    fks, not sure what to make of that one. I’d have guessed the answer as ’cause and efffect’.

  64. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    I’ve just been looking through the archives and came across Tears.
    The comments there were a litany
    Of poetic outpourings too,
    My favourite of all
    Was HFB’s call
    A witty and sharp clerihew.

  65. JoJo says:

    Author!! New strip quick, before we all disappear up our respective arses!

  66. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    JoJo, that only happens to people who take themselves seriously. Besides, with my spine, self-examination of my own interior is a position I can no longer manage. No real loss though, as I never much cared for the view anyhow :-)

  67. JoJo says:

    Plus you’d have to remove the pineapple….
    :-D

  68. jerry w says:

    @Fenchurch,
    You said that you’re an English Major, but after looking at your avatar I’d have guessed that you’re an English Majorette.

  69. hotrats says:

    Fenchuch:
    I’m intruiged – what are your minoring in?

  70. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    JoJo says:
    Plus you’d have to remove the pineapple….
    :-)

    Would that be a Little Nicky reference?

  71. omg says:

    AoS,
    Ok, I should have find that it rhyme with million…
    And I found myself clever :-(

  72. omg says:

    Thank you very much to bring us this good news.

    A few years ago, I worked with a guy from France. Talking with him, I was very shocked to learn that France is still a very catholic country. I was not expecting that. I was thinking that, in France, the religion had lost his influence. But, it seems I was wrong.

    One of the main objection I ear about gay wedding is the fear that they will adopt children. I’m wondering who will have a better childhood: a child with loving gay parents or a child with parents that fight constantly?

    One of the last wedding I was invited was between two men. They lived together for quite awhile before the same sex marriage were allowed where I live. It was a very nice event, everyone enjoy the ceremony (and the party). They are still together after more than ten years. I hope them long life and happiness.

    Please let me leave you with this link:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8mWXofb-fo

  73. omg says:

    Oops, my last post was for Dalai Llama…

  74. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    omg, for some reason I thought you were French (I actually referred to you as ‘our new French friend’ recently). I guess I was wrong, huh?

    Nice to see France join the grown-ups, despite the objections of the professional killjoys Catholics.
    I’ve never understood why right-wingers – religious and political – don’t want others to be happy unless it’s on their own very narrowly defined definition of ‘happy’.

  75. omg says:

    AoS,
    When you write that, I was not sure if you mean French speaking or person from France. So I didn’t correct you. Actually, I’m from Quebec but I’m living in Belgium (that is why I know a few word in Dutch).

  76. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    I was half-right then, omg. By the way, don’t shy away from correcting me when I make a mistake or half-arsed assumption; with my track record of pedantically correcting others, I’m hardly in a position to complain now, am I?
    :-)
    Has Belgium livened up any nowadays? I was last there 30 or-so years ago, and left with the impression that it was an interminably dull place. Very clean streets and public spaces; very nice, friendly people; but a very dull country. Hell, even the most famous Belgian monument – the manneken pis – was a disappointment. And the food was so bland it made traditional English cuisine exciting by comparison.

  77. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Atheists and believers all day long
    Chanting the other side is always wrong
    They can’t both be right
    They should be contrite
    And try singing us a different song.

    Don’t worry, I haven’t joined our friend Nassar on the fence, I’m merely pre-empting his contribution to the next cartoon.
    Confused? See my fourth post in the next strip’s comments.

  78. MrGronk says:

    Am I too late for the limericks?

    There was a young fellow named Cyril
    Who was shagged in the arse by a squirrel
    He liked it so good
    That he stayed in the wood
    For as long as the squirrel stayed virile

    There was a young man from Bombay
    Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
    The heat of his prick
    Turned the clay into brick
    And ripped all his foreskin away

    There was a young man from Calcutta
    Who tried to write “fuck” on a shutter
    He’d got to FU
    When a passing Hindu
    Kicked his arse into the gutter

  79. JoJo says:

    @AoS it was a more generic reference, but in bringing up the film and scene, I call Godwin’s Law on you! Fnarrrr!

  80. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    I walked into that one, JoJo. :-)

  81. beechnut says:

    I feel that AoS’s noble efforts need supplementation. Here are my two pence:

    Now a LIMerick NEEDS a three-BANGER,
    As with BOLLock and BULLock and BANGer,
    Which is TWICE, and then COMES
    A pair: FIDDles and DRUMS,
    Also TWICE, then anOTHer three-BANGer.

    There is also the fact that you can
    Move the syllable last — for the scan –
    To the following line
    For the sake of the rhyme.
    (shut up) Anapaests carry the can.
    (shut up shut up shut up…)*

    *Which in Anapaests would be
    Up up shut up up shut up up shut (up)
    with the option that the final “up” (in brackets) can be moved to the next line as the first syllable of a new anapaest. Even if it isn’t, the next line can still begin with a complete anapaest. That’s poetic licence for you.

    I hope this explains everything.

    Heer endeth the compleat cors on the compositione of the Learic Stanza, or (in the Vulgar Tonguee) Ye Lymaricke.

Comment¬

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