April 17th, 2013
Free the Bangladeshi bloggers!
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One for @MoAnsar I think
Ooh, religious double-standards. Who’da thunkit?
Thank you so much for this.
Brilliant as usual.
I saw this one coming, Author, which didn’t detract at all from the punch line. in fact it added a sense of anticipation. Good going.
This actually has a bit of relevance to the recent criticism of Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and the late Hitchens.
Do you suppose @ggreenwald subscribes? Sorry, I mean does he subscribe to Jesus & Mo. We know he subscribes to the idea that criticism of Islam is Islamophobia.
IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.
— Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”
Gracious a disrespect of Islam
Get the united nations to demand all nations give a dam
In the name of the profit, the infidel
Must be murdered, as the Qur’an does tell
And down everyones throat, Islamic love and peace, ram.
Nasser, I don’t know if that counts as poetry but it made the cartoon.
Author, Again; nice one.
Every religion always preach tolerance…
But just toward its own …
Nassar, I don’t know if that counts as poetry but it made the cartoon.
Author, Again; nice one.
Once again, Nassar, a wonderful idea hidden inside your trademark impenetrable poetry, but please justify my faith in you by confirming that ‘profit’ was deliberate.
Ron Murphy, whatever one might think of Greenwald, he’s right about the kneejerk rush in the media and everywhere else to blame Muslim terror groups for the Boston bombing – as demonstrated by the media declaiming the 20-year-old Saudi lad a ‘suspect’. That’s Islamophobia pure and simple. In fact, I find very little to disagree with in his Gaurdian column; http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/16/boston-marathon-explosions-notes-reactions
I think someone should collect the complete works of Nasser and publish them as one epic poem with each posting as a stanza.
It would be both dreadful and wonderful at the same time.
A great idea Dan. Did you know Nassar is the worlds first William McGonagall tribute act?
Seriously though, it’s a shame his verse is so…..torturous, because how he writes too often detracts from what he’s written. If, as I have often suggested, his poor verse is deliberate then it’s done brilliantly; I think it takes real talent to deliberately write so convincingly poorly. If, on the other hand, he really is a bad poet with great ideas, then he’s a very thick-skinned one, and I for one can only admire his persistence.
And there’s Fazil Say, too, convicted of “blasphemy” and inciting hatred for saying some innocuous things on Twitter.
I’m a bit disappointed in barmaid’s lack of openmindedness towards broadway in panel 2. I thought those southpark guys did swell.
Nassar is a Vogon.
JoJo – Well spotted; can’t wait to see his avatar.
Are you accusing dear Barmaid of homophobia?
AOS- I didn’t realize it, but that scenes to be the general director I was pointe in…
The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool’s mire.
They also smelt a great deal.
-Paul Neil Milne Johnstone
JoJo – I figure Nassar ought to have something to aspire to…
The boy stood on the burning deck
Picking his nose like mad
He rolled ’em into little balls
And flicked ’em at his dad.
The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet all covered in blisters
He had one hand down his trouser front
The other down his sister’s.
VoteCoffee; baby steps. One doesn’t teach a novice physics by starting with string theory.
You needed to issue a coke alert with that one buddy. I was reading it and thinking “After VoteCoffee why is AoS even bothering?” Then I got to your last line. Too funny.
VoteCoffee, Acolyte of Sagan, floridakitesurfer :
I must admit, I’m completely lost. But it is nice to see that you have fun.
I must admit: I find it hart to understand Limerick. I’m not sure if the poem you are referring to are Limerick at all. They don’t seem to have the right number of lines…
Oops, perhaps that is what you are referring to when you say :
One doesn’t teach a novice English speaker by starting with Limerick.
It’s almost the opposite, omg. The limerick is one of the simplest forms of poetry and so is ideal for novices, as I’ll demonstrate shortly. Neither VoteCoffee’s nor my poems were limericks; mine was a very basic rhyming technique whilst VoteCoffee’s was classic, complex poetry, and my message was that it is better to start a novice with the basics.
Now, a limerick is a 5-line poem. The 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines have an equal number of syllables (the last line may contain one syllable more, but only if it fits the metre, or rythmn, of the limerick as in my second example below), and the last word of each of these 3 lines must rhyme; the 3rd and 4th lines also have an equal number of syllables, but less than the other 3 lines, and the last word of these two lines must also rhyme (but not rhyme with the other 3 lines).
Examples of limericks, with number of syllables in brackets:
There once was a man from Nuneaton (9)
At high jump he’d never been beaten (9)
when he was asked why (5)
He said “Tell no lie (5)
It’s all the spring cabbage I’ve eaten”. (9)
There once was a man from Brazil (8)
Who swallowed a dynamite pill (8)
His heart it retired (5)
His bottom backfired (5)
And his penis shot over a hill. (9)
FKS, sorry about that. I do hope the coke you lost was the soda variety? 😉
Thank, I think it is the first time the limericks are explained in a way that I can understand. That didn’t mean I could write some of them.
In response to vote coffee bean
AoS is both funny and mean
OMG asks for charity
AoS delivers clarity
And I spew coke on the screen
That was probably more fun for me to write than it will be for you all to read.
fks, not bad for a coke-
snordrinking surf dude. Are you channelling Nassar? 🙂
Seriously though, unless ‘poem’ is an acronym for ‘police officer’s entrapment method’ I don’t think I’ve been the subject of a poem before, much less noted for providing clarity. Cheers, mate, you’ve made my day.
To be fair, the reference to Paul Neil Milne Johnstone was in response to the Vogon reference. It’s a well known Hitchhiker fact that vogons are only the 3rd worst poets in the galaxy. You can wikipedia the rest… 😀
There once was a man who wrote limricks
But see, rhyming is hard now, innit?
Mean needed a rhyme
Wrong place and wrong time
He beaned my screen name for his gimmick
I don’t need to wiki it; I have all five of the trilogy in dead tree form.
To be honest, though, I don’t think that their poetry was the Vogons’ defining characteristic. And don’t forget, Nassar probably wasn’t even born when Adams wrote that,so they may have been nudged to fourth spot.
Which reminds me:
Jesus said “Come forth and win my love”.
I came third and won a book token.
“He beaned my screen name”
I really like that.
The Duchess, whilst pouring out tea,
Once asked, “Do you fart when you pee?”
I replied with some wit,
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I think that was one up to me….
There once was a man called Brecht,
Whose penis was seldom erect,
But when he was humming,
His wife knew he was coming
On account of the Doppler effect….
There once was a man called Brent,
Whose dong was so long that it bent,
To save him from trouble,
He stuck it in double
And instead of coming, he went
Well I was trying to keep it clean, but I love the Brecht one, JoJo.
Now, about that woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In less than an hour
Her clit was in flower
And her arsehole was bunged up with weeds.
Well, if we’re on limericks, may a long-time lurker join in?
There was a young lady from Bude
Who lay on the beach in the nude.
A young man came along,
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be rude.
There was a young man from Madras
Who had an incredible ass.
Not round and pink
As you probably think,
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
Martin reminded me of this one:
Of all the fishes in the sea,
the ones I like best are bass.
They climb up on the rocks and trees
and slide down on their hands and knees.
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, “yes, I know.
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”
There was a young lad from Hong Kong
Who thought limericks were too long.
Oh no! A witty poem-off.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
And now it goes to school with her
Betwixt two bits of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were mystified.
Mary had a little pig
She couldn’t stop it grunting
o she tied it to the garden gate
And kicked its little head in.
Oh, and welcome to the Cock and Bull, Martin. With limericks like that you’ll fit right in.
This is totally off topic but should be shared with you all.
There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate green apples and died.
The people lamented
The apples fermented
And made cider, inside her inside.
This one’s from last September*, but as we seem to be in a silly mood;
A suicide bomber called Mo
Was Jewish by birth don’tcha know
He hijacked a Boeing
And said “We are going
to my brother’s scrapyard, Walthamstowe.
*And the winner was never announced (see last few comments of link).
B1gR1d3r, Very funny. If God would exist, it could be a real interview.
Ah, the limerick. What fun. While we’re on the subject of poetry:
There was a young man named McNamiter
With a dick of prodigious diameter
But it wasn’t it size
Gave the girls a surprise
‘Twas his rhythm, iambic pentameter.
Since we are sharing poetry, let me share this with you. I must admit I cried listening to this (please forgive me if the one I post is not as funny as yours):
I tried to find her channel on youtube. But it has been closed ( It is a shame).
I think her other video should be very interesting to look at. But now, they have been lost.
omg – Thanks, wish I’d found her stuff before, so very powerful.
Mary had a little sheep
And with this sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb…
There was a young man from Purdue
Whose poems all ended on line two.
There was a young man from Verdun.
If I understand correctly your poem, this one should work (you will need a little work to find the link):
There was a young man from Broadway
Whose poems all ended on line two.
There was a young man from Maine.
So, it seem to work like this:
In French: 2 = deux and (almost) rhyme with Purdue, 1 = un and thyme with Verdun.
In Dutch: 2 = twee and (almost) rhyme with Broadway, 1 = een and (almost) rhyme with Maine.
We’re ‘angry atheists’, doing lines
(Or, rather, casting pearls before swines)
But pork ain’t kosher!
So now what’s grosser?
Bad poetry, or religious fines?
(Meh. You’d never guess I’m an English Major.)
I find it a very beautiful poem. Very sad and at the same time so beautifully recited. If you want the text, you can find it there:
Wow! Which regiment, ma’am*? 😉
By the way, to certain people ‘doing lines’ has nothing to do with writing the same sentence a hundred tmes. Saying it, maybe, but not writing.
*That’s ma’am as in jam, not as in harm.
omg, yes, you got the point of the good Brother’s verse perfectly.
So, in the same vein I wonder
Could it be
that extremely long-winded poets
whose verse just seems
to go on
always prefer to write with ink
You raise the bar quite alot… I have no ideas for this one.
I will need some help for this one. I could only find that vermilion has been used for a long time and that it last very long. Did it have a link with a “extremely long-winded poets”? I don’t think so.
What is the difference between Jesus and Mo,
and a terrorist with hand grenade ready to throw?
One makes religious nuts look really bad.
Pathetic losers. Impotent. Sad.
The other is Jesus and Mo
omg, the ink had to be vermillion-coloured, since it rhymes with several very large numbers, and my ‘poem’ (scare-quotes <definitely necessary) was a continuation of the theme started by Brother Daniel.
fks, not sure what to make of that one. I’d have guessed the answer as ’cause and efffect’.
I’ve just been looking through the archives and came across Tears.
The comments there were a litany
Of poetic outpourings too,
My favourite of all
Was HFB’s call
A witty and sharp clerihew.
Author!! New strip quick, before we all disappear up our respective arses!
JoJo, that only happens to people who take themselves seriously. Besides, with my spine, self-examination of my own interior is a position I can no longer manage. No real loss though, as I never much cared for the view anyhow 🙂
Plus you’d have to remove the pineapple….
You said that you’re an English Major, but after looking at your avatar I’d have guessed that you’re an English Majorette.
I’m intruiged – what are your minoring in?
Would that be a Little Nicky reference?
Ok, I should have find that it rhyme with million…
And I found myself clever 🙁
Vive la France, innit!
Thank you very much to bring us this good news.
A few years ago, I worked with a guy from France. Talking with him, I was very shocked to learn that France is still a very catholic country. I was not expecting that. I was thinking that, in France, the religion had lost his influence. But, it seems I was wrong.
One of the main objection I ear about gay wedding is the fear that they will adopt children. I’m wondering who will have a better childhood: a child with loving gay parents or a child with parents that fight constantly?
One of the last wedding I was invited was between two men. They lived together for quite awhile before the same sex marriage were allowed where I live. It was a very nice event, everyone enjoy the ceremony (and the party). They are still together after more than ten years. I hope them long life and happiness.
Please let me leave you with this link:
Oops, my last post was for Dalai Llama…
omg, for some reason I thought you were French (I actually referred to you as ‘our new French friend’ recently). I guess I was wrong, huh?
Nice to see France join the grown-ups, despite the objections of the
I’ve never understood why right-wingers – religious and political – don’t want others to be happy unless it’s on their own very narrowly defined definition of ‘happy’.
When you write that, I was not sure if you mean French speaking or person from France. So I didn’t correct you. Actually, I’m from Quebec but I’m living in Belgium (that is why I know a few word in Dutch).
I was half-right then, omg. By the way, don’t shy away from correcting me when I make a mistake or half-arsed assumption; with my track record of pedantically correcting others, I’m hardly in a position to complain now, am I?
Has Belgium livened up any nowadays? I was last there 30 or-so years ago, and left with the impression that it was an interminably dull place. Very clean streets and public spaces; very nice, friendly people; but a very dull country. Hell, even the most famous Belgian monument – the manneken pis – was a disappointment. And the food was so bland it made traditional English cuisine exciting by comparison.
Atheists and believers all day long
Chanting the other side is always wrong
They can’t both be right
They should be contrite
And try singing us a different song.
Don’t worry, I haven’t joined our friend Nassar on the fence, I’m merely pre-empting his contribution to the next cartoon.
Confused? See my fourth post in the next strip’s comments.
Am I too late for the limericks?
There was a young fellow named Cyril
Who was shagged in the arse by a squirrel
He liked it so good
That he stayed in the wood
For as long as the squirrel stayed virile
There was a young man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And ripped all his foreskin away
There was a young man from Calcutta
Who tried to write “fuck” on a shutter
He’d got to FU
When a passing Hindu
Kicked his arse into the gutter
@AoS it was a more generic reference, but in bringing up the film and scene, I call Godwin’s Law on you! Fnarrrr!
I walked into that one, JoJo. 🙂
I feel that AoS’s noble efforts need supplementation. Here are my two pence:
Now a LIMerick NEEDS a three-BANGER,
As with BOLLock and BULLock and BANGer,
Which is TWICE, and then COMES
A pair: FIDDles and DRUMS,
Also TWICE, then anOTHer three-BANGer.
There is also the fact that you can
Move the syllable last — for the scan —
To the following line
For the sake of the rhyme.
(shut up) Anapaests carry the can.
(shut up shut up shut up…)*
*Which in Anapaests would be
Up up shut up up shut up up shut (up)
with the option that the final “up” (in brackets) can be moved to the next line as the first syllable of a new anapaest. Even if it isn’t, the next line can still begin with a complete anapaest. That’s poetic licence for you.
I hope this explains everything.
Heer endeth the compleat cors on the compositione of the Learic Stanza, or (in the Vulgar Tonguee) Ye Lymaricke.