It seldom helps Islam’s case to contextualize quotes from the Qur’an; they tend to be surrounded by more qur’ap.

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Discussion (32)¬

  1. Okay. Actual laughing out loud, and that is not over contextualizing. Delightful.

  2. Juan says:

    How unsophisticated! Does not civilization precisely lie in choosing text or context as needed?

  3. Jakob says:

    The author clearly doesn’t get it.

    You’re supposed to put what the Koran actually says into context with what you want it to say.

  4. Hector Gonzalez says:

    I love the “Epicurus under house arrest.”

  5. Broggly says:

    The important context of course is cultural not textual. It’s just like how these days Christians don’t bother with the bit about women having to wear headscarves or where Jesus encourages people to sell their clothing to buy weapons. Crucifiction and mutilation just aren’t done anymore, ha ha, we’re not savages but modern sophisticated believers.

  6. kiyaroru says:

    Since the k’ran’s verses are in order of size, can anything in it be IN context?
    k’ran’s looks like Klingon, doesn’t it?

  7. Sondra says:

    I had an English translation of the Qur’an — page 47 — “kill the infidel”
    It was the only book I’ve ever thrown away.

  8. James says:

    @Broggly: “It’s just like how these days Christians don’t bother with the bit about women having to wear headscarves or where Jesus encourages people to sell their clothing to buy weapons.”

    Clearly you are not living in Georgia, USA:


  9. Tomfoolery says:

    Qur’ap. brilliant.

  10. Nassar Ben Houdja says:

    The Qur’an’s convenient interpretation
    Is at the discretion of the practicing nation
    To attack and kill
    The infidel
    Is considered an obligation.

  11. Stonyground says:

    Isn’t it the case that without all the shedloads of extreme violence both Islam and Christianity would have been nothing more than obscure little cults? It still amazes me that people in some South American lands want to stay Catholics after learning the history of how their country became Catholic in the first place.

  12. Does it even matter to beleivers what their religion actually says? The average beleiver doesn’t read the material, they just go by what the various leaders say that it says.

    I like to make up bible quotes because beleiver’s can’t say that the text doesn’t include my made up quotes.

  13. HaggisForBrainsDS7 says:

    @ Hector – Me too!

    @ random – sounds like fun, but it’s even more fun finding genuine quotes which believers think you have just made up.

  14. TonV says:

    @Haggis: I feel a contest coming up:
    find a genuine quotes which believers will think you have just made up.
    most outrageous quote wins.

  15. TonyBintheUK says:

    here’s my entry

    “You shall not force your slave-girls into prostitution in order that you make money, if they wish to preserve their chastity.” (Surah 24:33-)

  16. Stephen Turner says:

    Ah but author, it all makes perfect sense, because those who make war on Big Al and his messenger don’t count as people.

    Shakespeare was much more talented than the authors of the Koran.

  17. Blakey says:


    That’s downright progressive by bible standards! You aren’t allowed to force them!

    Rules for selling your daughter as a slave:

    7 “And if a man sells his daughter to be a female slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. 8 If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. 9 And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters. 10 If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. 11 And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.

    Be good for mum and dad, kids!

    17 “And he who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.

    So that’s what the protesters are on about:

    13 If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.

    Even by accident? Blast.

    18 If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has exposed her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from their people.

    God really hates cripples:

    16 And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 17 “Speak to Aaron, saying: ‘No man of your descendants in succeeding generations, who has any defect, may approach to offer the bread of his God. 18 For any man who has a defect shall not approach: a man blind or lame, who has a marred face or any limb too long, 19 a man who has a broken foot or broken hand, 20 or is a hunchback or a dwarf, or a man who has a defect in his eye, or eczema or scab, or is a eunuch. 21 No man of the descendants of Aaron the priest, who has a defect, shall come near to offer the offerings made by fire to the LORD. He has a defect; he shall not come near to offer the bread of his God. 22 He may eat the bread of his God, both the most holy and the holy; 23 only he shall not go near the veil or approach the altar, because he has a defect, lest he profane My sanctuaries; for I the LORD sanctify them.’”

    Ooooh yeah. Sadly, even the most liberal believers will actually believe they came from the bible. The cognitive dissonance is nearly palpable, sometimes.

  18. Blakey says:

    …I swear there was more formatting in that comment when I posted it! Sorry for the general illegibility. I think the general gist is still there, though.

  19. I keep this handy for occasions such as this. My entry:
    Deu 23:1-2
    He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
    A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

  20. Or if that doesn’t do it for me, Mark Twain alerted me to these:

    1 Samuel 25:34 (King James Version, not the wimpy New Edition)
    For in very deed, as the LORD God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

    1 Kings 14:10
    10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone .

    God really hates people pissing against the wall.

  21. daoloth says:

    Bill Maher grilling a US senator (post House hearing on US muslims) about how muslims are either liars or just ignorant about their own holy books teachings about the “peace of Islam” as told in the Qu’rap:
    Share and enjoy

  22. HaggisForBrainsDS7 says:

    @ TonV great idea! Already some good responses. As a relative newcomer to bible study you guys are way ahead of me. I find the Skeptics Annotated Bible a great help –

    I like this one from Genesis:

    19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
    19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
    19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
    19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. The Seduction of Lot
    19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

    I wish I could perform as well as Lot when paralytic, but then again I don’t have daughters.

  23. @HaggisForBrainsDS7

    it’s also fun when relgious folks claim the bible says thus and so – and you hand them one and say, Show me where.

    and they can’t.

  24. Aztek says:

    Oh, that was funny! Over-contextualizing? That I haven’t heard before.

  25. Exzanian says:

    Oh what a de-humanising couplet from the beloved quran! But what else have we come to expect from the religion of ‘peace’, mmmmm?

  26. MikeN says:

    Well, in fairness it should be noted that “he who pisseth against the wall” was a colloquialism for ‘male’, as in something we can do and the girls can’t.

    So it’s just God going on again about how He’s going to murder the children of some guy He’s angry at – nothing unusual.

  27. Uncle Roger says:

    @TonV: Here’s one for you:

    9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

    10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?

    11 Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?

    12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?

    In other words, do you believe in Unicorns? If you do, they can really help out around the farm.

    Of course, that’s the KJV. If you ask a True Believer why newer versions (like the NIV) substitute other animals (wild ox), they’ll tell you it’s because we now know that unicorns aren’t real. Which, of course, would indicate that the KJV translation was NOT divinely inspired and, if that wasn’t, how could one be certain ANY translation is really the word of god?

  28. Lenoxus says:

    MikeN is probably right about what the “pisseth” thing means; that’s the consensus among scholars.

    Alternate possible interpretations are: Males over a certain age (young boys won’t as often piss forwards), and men who disrespect some holy wall by actually pissing on it. In any case, it’s a bit of lingo that the book fails to give us any context for. God himself just assumes we’re hip to the slang…

  29. Carl says:

    The Bible is basically life’s terms and conditions. Everyone just wreckons they have the gist of it and then clicks agree.

  30. fenchurch says:

    Re: pisseth-ing: Did the ancient languages of old doctrine have pronouns? “He” pretty much stands for a “male” doesn’t it?
    And I think anyone is equipped with directing streams as needed, with or without a little help from the makers of P-MATE or Urinelle.

  31. Morley says:

    Holy literature is the greatest work of fiction in history…next to Harry Potter of course.


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