Yeah, that would wear thin quite soon – and then what are you going to do?

Some insight into Islamic heaven here.

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Discussion (31)¬

  1. Jesus F Iscariot says:

    Couch. Just get together with Satan and Putin and Atilla the Hun and restore normal chaos to the place.

  2. Jesus F iscariot says:

    Oops. Couch is not a person! Oh well neither are Mo nor the putative Son of God.

  3. OtterBe says:

    Well, the couch and fruit are fine, but never hearing ‘unsuitable speech’ would be problematic. I-and I project the majority of us here-quite enjoy being presented with new and challenging concepts. That makes me examine my own beliefs.

    This did make me realize that I have no idea outside of the 72 virgins what exactly Islamic heaven consists of. Might be some good comic material there, Author (because I can’t see me bothering to actually look it up, mainly!).

  4. E.A. Blair says:

    Who is feeding me that fruit? Does that mean there are people in Islamic heaven who are slaves? What do they get out of being there? The same goes for the 72 virgins. The whole thing sounds like an eternity of boredom for some and eternal labor or sexual slavery for others.

  5. Dr John the Wipper says:

    72 virgins? Does that mean 72 mothers-in-law as well?

    Or is there a slight slip-in-translation? Originally it was written as 1 virgin of age 72?

    Well, I know I might be a minority member, up until now 1 has been sufficient for me, for over 50 years now.

  6. Oozoid says:

    Is it true that ‘virgin’ was a mistranslation of ‘raisin’?

  7. Donn says:

    But raisins were much tastier back in the day. (Really.)

  8. Rrr says:

    Hence raisin hell.

  9. M27Holts says:

    Er. Beware the ides of March….oh shit that was yesterday…

  10. Dave says:

    An Islamist terrorist blows up his suicide vest in the midst of a bunch of infidels, and wakes up to find himself… getting the holy crap kicked out of him by the likes of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Woodrow Wilson, George Mason, Lighthorse Harry Lee, Pharrell Williams, Patrick Henry, Nat Turner, Zachary Taylor, Booker T. Washington, Arthur Ashe, Sam Houston, and about sixty other assorted personages from American history and culture.

    The terrorist cries out, “O Allah, why am I being beaten? Am I in Hell? I gave my life for your holy cause! Where is Heaven? Where are my 72 virgins?”

    A glowing figure in a flowing robe walks over and the crowd parts before it. The figure kneels down beside the terrorist, takes his hand, and gently speaks: “You misunderstood, my son. These”, he says gesturing to the crowd, “are your 72 Virginians!”

  11. Bvereshagen says:

    Rrr: good one dude.

  12. DC Toronto says:

    E.A. Blair – the whole thing sounds like an incels fever dream

  13. paradoctor says:

    Seventy-Two White Raisins
    an Underfable

    Once upon a time a young Jihadi appeared at the gates of Paradise, from out of a sudden burst of smoke. The Jinn guarding the gates welcomed the defender of the faith, and into the Jihadi’s hand – still streaming smoke – the Jinn pressed his reward; six dozen white raisins. The Jinn said, with a smile, “They are as pure as they are white!”

    The Jihadi replied, “Seventy-two white raisins? But the Imam promised me seventy-two virgins!”

    The Jinn said, with a frown, “That passage was mistranslated. And just what kind of an establishment do you think we are running here, young man?”

    Moral: Beware the fine print.

  14. Succubus ov Satan says:

    it would only wear thin if you remembered – it could be a sort of infinite ‘groundhog day’ – just with no hope of the loop EVER ending or of the ‘soul’ even being aware of the repetition

  15. Son of Glenner says:

    Verse 4 of “Amazing Grace”:

    When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
    Bright shining as the sun,
    We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
    Than when we first begun.

    Sounds more like Hell to me!

  16. M27Holts says:

    Or…imagine a ball of steel as large in diameter as a super giant star…every 14 billion years a butterfly lands on the solid steel sphere. Once the steel has been eroded by the touch of the insect your time in hell/paradise has only just begun…..

  17. postdoggerel says:

    The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

  18. mcalex says:

    Semi-serious: how do you ‘dress in gold’? Does this mean jewellery, or is it like a knight’s suit, but really, really heavy – and malleable? That wouldn’t be very comfortable, i think.

  19. Keltic Green says:

    Dressing in gold is actually not that unbelievable – gold is a relatively soft metal, and gold thread can be used in expensive dresses. Here’s a dress made from real gold:

  20. Rrr says:

    There was a movie some years ago called something like “The woman in gold” centering around a painting by Gustav Klimt (I think) that was stolen by the Nazis during the war and after much ado returned to the rightful heirs, over judicial protests by the Austrian museum that held it. Quite watchable. Good acting. Central figures: a little old lady from Pasadena and her young aspiring law student relative.
    The painting depicted a woman dressed in gold.

    Spoiler: The good guys won! 🙂

  21. M27Holts says:

    How many killings?

  22. tebirkes says:

    Anyone recall the film ‘Chariots of Fire’? What I recall, somewhat mean-spiritedly, is a bunch of British toffs running around and rushing about singing G&S operettas just after WWI, surrounded by maimed war veterans cluttering up & begging in the streets. And this is how I’ve pictured the Islamic version of heaven: a few smug, pampered, & privileged bastards enjoying “the good after-life” amid an over abundance of frightfully maimed and deformed martyrs & suicide bombers.
    Good film but quite unappealing for the rest of eternity.

  23. Chiefy says:

    No ill speech, the drinks are not intoxicating… Sounds like a pretty boring party. I don’t think I’d last a day, much less a trillion years.

  24. Len says:

    Is Mo describing heaven as a man would experience it or as a woman (eg, the barmaid) would experience it?

  25. Succubus ov Satan says:

    72 virgins – presumably female – so – an eternity spent with early teen girls gushing about boy bands etc

  26. jb says:

    Woman in Gold is the movie, and the painting is Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I. I saw it recently at the Neue Galerie in NYC. (The painting, not the movie).

    Also, given the choice, I think I’d go with the Couch over the Lake of Fire. Less appealing than C.S. Lewis’ s heaven, which has God endlessly revealing new mysteries to the blessed, but still, Lake of Fire…

  27. Rrr says:

    Thank you, jb! You made up for my laziness.
    Did you see the movie too?

    M27: None that I recall, but a number of lawyers with misplaced loyalty might consider going for those grapes instead.

  28. jb says:

    I haven’t seen the movie. The painting is the most notable work in the museum though, and they made a point of going into its history is some detail. They even had a children’s book in the gift shop that was all about the history of the painting and how it ended up in the museum!

  29. M27Holts says:

    C.S. Lewis was a whopper of the highest order…

  30. postdoggerel says:

    “had god designed the world, it would not be
    a world so frail and faulty as we see”.
    c. s. lewis told that whopper,
    an atheist in disguise,
    he found his doubt improper,
    therein his rebirth lies.
    and though it may galling,
    his conversion appalling,
    we must take him at his word,
    would you like that with fries?

  31. Succubus ov Satan says:

    so for every man in the muslim heaven there are 72 women, the muslim hell is also said to be full of women – this implies that either men don’t go anywhere or that all males are converted into females


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