abhor

Story from here.


Discussion (73)¬

  1. JohnM says:

    Oooh! What on earth have Jesus and Mo been up to that we haven’t seen yet? Will it appear here, or on “oglaf”

  2. Stephen Mynett says:

    Thank you Author, was not feeling my best today but this has cheered me up no end. A genuine classic that appeals totally to my sense of humour.

  3. Empiricist says:

    “Barman, this beer tastes like fermented camel pish!”

    “Hmmmmm …”

  4. machigai says:

    What’s up with the bird?

  5. Jerry+www says:

    The begged question?
    Does their Starbucks have a rear entrance?

  6. Lewis R. Lowden says:

    My wife said that at first the ‘punch line’ was so obvious that it flew right over her head then, like the bird, it knocked her over…laughing.

  7. Nassar+Ben+Houdja says:

    To keep a few suckers around, there are preachers
    Outrageous, rubbish spewing creatures
    To attract attention
    Nothing is to stupid to mention
    Religion of any sort is not one of their features.

  8. JoJo says:

    This row is bound o come to a head…

  9. It’s just a theory, but I think the bird represents nature’s irony meter.

  10. plainsuch says:

    Empiricist

    A truly intelligent design would give me my own pair to play with. Or maybe a clitoris on the end of each, so others would be more willing to share.

  11. Okay, this one got a real belly laugh. Took me a minute to get the implications, but then… total spit take. Author, you just keep doing it.

  12. And that before the bird was brought to my attention.

  13. Max T. Furr says:

    LOVE IT!!! πŸ˜€

  14. Matt says:

    But what I love is the ‘hate preacher’ (I just call him an idiot) saying: “Semen flavours up the coffee, and makes you thinks you’re having a good time.” Hmm… And just why exactly would he think that? Where, pray tell, does he get his information one wonders.

  15. Author says:

    FYI, the pigeon is doing a “flip-take” – a term I learned today:

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Facefault

  16. Xanadu says:

    Hit the spot!

  17. machigai says:

    I thought it was a robin.
    Not that that makes a difference.

  18. WalterWalcarpit says:

    Hilarious, a real laugh out loud.
    Indeed I am still laughing.
    Truly Brilliant.
    I could go on until I run out of superlatives.

  19. djdummy says:

    Have a couple of ribs removed.
    If one can do so much!
    What can two do.

  20. Author, thanks for that bit of comic strip education. I never know what I will learn at the C&B.

    Now I have a favour to ask. I would like permission to do a one time spam of your thread. You see, I made a movie back around the turn of the millennium. It was what we called a “volksmovie”, a people’s movie, a romantic comedy made outside of the movie industry.

    Unfortunately, while we made it outside of the sytem we needed the system to return any money and the system wasn’t kind to us. Digital films had just become possible. Film festivals were flooded with short films, usually involving a teenager French kissing the family dog with a camera mounted on the head of a trained seal. Festivals could give a five minute film a showing, and did, but at 104 minutes and looking like a regular movie we were competing with the latest from Hollywood and visiting stars. We didn’t get a single festival invitation, and there went our marketing plan. I went bankrupt and ran away to China for almost a decade.

    Back then there was no Internet distribution available. Now there is, and I would dearly like to share my movie with my mates at the C&B.

    I suppose this is already spam and if there’s a problem, no problem. Anybody who is interested can get in touch with me through my site. But allowing me to post the link directly would be very much appreciated.

    Now I suppose I have to lie and check the “I am not a spammer” box. Oh the shame of it all. Back of hand to forehead.

  21. plainsuch says:

    A bird found loitering in the park
    could be a robin, pigeon or Lark.
    But the bird that’s flipped, by common consensus,
    In Latin is called Digitus Impudicus,

  22. Mord_Sith says:

    Did the bird sproing or am I reading too much into it?

    Re: Expats from the last strip, let me spell it out clear as day:
    Expats. Are. Assholes.

    Clear?

    They are racially bigoted, self-righteous, and have some of the most toxic personalities I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing or even being related to by status.

    In a land where people die by the swath to Malaria and many things that simple sanitation would prevent, they deign to pass judgement on the local population as if they were cattle or less, and the government in that country simply lets it happen.

    I can’t tell whether the corruption was always there or whether it’s a vicious circle produced by an impoverished nation viciously exploited by outside interests (largely from Australia, but there were many from around the world.) but one thing is clear, you have to have a hard heart to enjoy being there longer than a month.

  23. Mord_Sith says:

    No Empiricist, I don’t set fire to houses because of a spider.

  24. Condorito says:

    I assumed the pigeon-flip was a tip of the hat to Condorito, a classic Hispanic cartoon that nearly always ends in someone flipping heels in the air in the last panel, (and whose hero is a young condor). Since it started publishing in 1949 I think that gives it an edge over any other takers in the heel-flip department.

    But who cares, long live Jesus and Mo!

  25. Mord_Sith: An old China hand is usually described as a man in his sixties who has been in China for five years and speaks seven words of Chinese, with a considerably younger Chinese girlfriend. Generally a contemptible lot. I tried hard to be the exception, and believe it is possible to be a caring and compassionate ex-pat, actually contributing to the welfare of a few people. But I have to agree that most are a privileged bunch of snots, and on occasion I was too. Those sanctimonious fools out to save the heathen souls are the worst.

  26. Mord_Sith says:

    DH, you are not the only exception, my father was one as well, probably how we survived because he managed to befriend the Sepiks (one of the largest tribes on the mainland, even the highlanders wouldn’t mess with them lightly.)

    We managed to piss off a lot of god-botherers in two years mostly by treating people like people, rather than something beneath us like the rest of the bunch. Of course also saving the fiberglass plant that employed local people and empowered them rather than letting the local church sell it to buy some worthless cargo ship also ticked off a lot of people.

  27. Mord_Sith, the Sepik look like truly formidable people. Glad you made it back to civilization intact, assuming you aren’t still there. How an American Christian could meet a scarified member of a former head hunter tribe and not have respect for the man is beyond me.

    Are we far enough off topic yet? Is there a topic to be on? Whatever, I’m enjoying the chat as usual. Barmaid, another round please, and one for my new friend Mord_Sith here.

  28. Empiricist says:

    I am an ex-pat. I like in the region of Federated UKland FNA “England” but I am English only by acculturation and assimilation, and great good fortune.
    I *like* the poor little natives who surround me. I admire and respect them and their language, culture and quaint customs. I certainly don’t look down on them, I’m far too short to do that.
    But even England, for all its beauty and greatness, has its chavs.
    Some of those are ex-pats, too.
    Many are natives. I don’t tend to distinguish much. A chav’s a chav.
    Even if he is an arch-bishop or a pope.

    Barmaid, my lovely, when you have a few minutes, a round for the House, something glittery and expensive for your gorgeous self and a last gunfire for me. And some refills of J&M’s beers, please. They deserve it. Being completely demented, but highly amusing nuts is thirsty work.

  29. Empiricist says:

    Bugger.
    While I do “like” in the region, I meant to “live” there. And the “N” should have been a “K”, of course.

  30. Author says:

    @DH – Please go ahead and post the link to your film.

  31. HaggisForBrains says:

    Looking forward to your film, DH. I really enjoyed your short about the twins.

  32. Mary2 says:

    Mord, we have a saying about the remote communities in the Far North of Aust (yes, far north is always capitalised). The only Whites who live there are either Missionaries, Mercenaries or Misfits. It holds pretty true. We are generally trying to make money from the ‘natives’, ‘save’ them, or running away from our previous lives.

  33. Thanks, Author. I really appreciate this. So here it is, folks. Hope you like it.
    https://vimeo.com/ondemand/23886

    I suck at being anonymous. πŸ™‚

  34. white+squirrel says:

    or could it be that someone in James Manning’s local starbucks has taken a dislike to him and targets his coffee in particular?

    its a good thing he never heard of Alistair Crowley’s ‘elixir’ pills

  35. white squirrel, wonderful. You’ve brought us back on topic. I’ve been wondering about the supply. I mean, Starbucks serves a metric shipload of lattes. How does this fundie idiot imagine they procure sodomite semen as their secret ingredient. Can you buy it over the Interne? In huge quantities? Is this a little known revenue stream of the gay bath houses? Even assuming that the source of semen is the staff, that’s a very limited supply requiring a certain amount of, ahem, manual labour to procure.

    Obviously there’s no logic to be found in the rantings of a nutter like Mr. Manning, but why doesn’t he get asked for details of his allegation? And then I read further down in the article to the questions about its source. Huzler.com. Another fake news site presenting real news mixed with “satire” (Which some seem to think means simply bullshit.)? Does Mr. Manning even exist? This suddenly looks like a Poe. Just believable enough for me to buy it because it fits my preconceptions about fundies. But then a quick Google reveals a lot of background on David James Manning, so the man himself is real and the remarks don’t seem to be out of character.
    With the Internet, who knows what is real?

  36. two cents' worth says:

    I followed the Author’s link to the story behind the toon, and had to stop and think a bit when I read the part of the James David Manning quote that mentions “male semen.” Is there any other kind? Or does Manning mean that Starbucks processes this “secret ingredient” using a centrifuge or something so that, when they spike their lattes, the additive includes only Y chromosomes? (If so: (a) I wonder what Manning thinks Starbucks does with the X-chromosome-laden byproduct, and (b) it means that Starbucks’ supply problem is even more dire than DH has already suggested.)

  37. hotrats says:

    There can’t be such a thing as sodomite semen, because by definition it will never be passed on genetically.

  38. two cents' worth says:

    For a cartoon that is loosely related to this topic, see http://www.gocomics.com/matt-bors/2014/03/24 . If, after you’ve seen this cartoon, you’re wondering who Phelps is, see http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Fred_Phelps

    Note that the God in that cartoon is supposed to be Phelps’ God, not Fox’s*, whose opinions are touched upon at http://www.mpm.edu/wirp/ICW-166.html#potawatomi and http://www.theguardian.com/music/2010/oct/11/two-spirit-people-north-america

    *no relation to Fox News

  39. Mord_Sith says:

    Actually, good question, if Sodom was destroyed down to the last man, woman, and child, assuming the trade paperback is correct, how could a dead race’s semen wind up in someone’s coffee?

    I got it, they developed a way to travel through time, righting wrongs like Dr. Sam Beckett but the discovery caused them all to be obliterated physically.

    Makes about as much sense as the rest of it to me.

    @Mary2: PNG is farther north than the north of Australia so I have no idea what kinds of names you have for the vermin that cross that line, but I take it you have some idea of the types of folks I’m referring to now.

    @Empiricist: despite my penchant for being at odds with you in pretty much all of our discourse thus far, I never said it was impossible to care about those around you as an Expat, only that I have never met one and the ones I did meet are enough to turn your stomach in regards to how foul they are.

    @DH: My father worked with a man named Arnold who was a member of the Sepik tribe, never used or mentioned his last name, but anyway, he was the one my father was training to replace him when he went back to Canada, he was a good fellow and on more than one occasion my father suspected that it was because of him that unlike most expats we were largely left unmolested despite being placed with the general population rather than among the ‘expat’ compounds.

    It also says something about my dad that he managed to concoct a swear word in Tok Pisin for them to use because they would often borrow English curse words for lack of their own (You Fullup pekpek bilong bulmacow in case you’re wondering.)

    At any rate, that’s all history, and I have way too many stories from that place in the two years we spent there (like how cricket bats even in the hands of a child can be deadly) some good, some bad. There’s one thing I learned there, never trust an organization, charity, or grouping larger than ten people.

  40. FreeFox says:

    Best one yet… ^_^

  41. JohnnieCanuck says:

    Mord Sith,
    I used http://www.tok-pisin.com to help me translate your Dad’s phrase. I believe I have the gist of it. They use the spelling bulmakau there. I make it:
    You’re full of cow sh1t.

  42. Darwin Harmless, I have a Vimeo account and review movies. For a cup of coffee, I will be happy to review your clip and update the information at IMDB. I’m snowed in right now. I may go watch Birdman first, though.

  43. hotrats says:

    Welcome back FreeFox! Have a drink on me!

  44. Ruthless Goat, thanks. Great offer. Please contact me directly through my site and I’ll arrange for coffee delivery to the location of your choice.

    FreeFox, what a joy to see you back. I was becoming rather concerned about you.

  45. Suffolk+Blue says:

    With apologies, but this seems a weirdly appropriate image

    http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/226/781/2781226/keepin-it-classy.jpg

  46. Suffolk Blue, apologies? For giving me the best laugh of the morning? No, please. I am grateful that you found that image and shared it. πŸ™‚

  47. two cents' worth says:

    Suffolk Blue, that image made me laugh out loud! If James David Manning sees it, I bet he’ll say that it’s proof that not only is Starbucks spiking their drinks with semen, they’re advertising the fact! Is this additive supposed to be a year-round offering, or is it like a seasonal offering, like the Pumpkin Spice Latte? And how is one supposed to ask for it when ordering–does it fall under Shots, Syrup, Milk, or Custom? (My guess is Custom, but I can think of arguments for each of the other categories, which I found at http://starbucksorder.tumblr.com/custom .)

  48. HaggisForBrains says:

    SB – Brilliant, thanks πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    FF – Good to see you back – I’m buying (after Hotrats) πŸ˜‰

  49. Ken+Kukec says:

    If J & M have the educated palates herein suggested, they came no doubt by way of The Immaculate Ejaculation.

  50. Mord_Sith says:

    That pretty much got it Johnnie, though it was usually applied as bullsh1t rather than cowsh1t.

  51. two cents' worth says:

    Welcome back, FreeFox! Want to split an appetizer with me so all those drinks don’t go straight to your head πŸ™‚ ?

  52. BJ says:

    Re the discussion about the quantity required – I just presumed that the amount needed would be tiny – and that the coffee sort of “remembered” the fact that it once been in contact with some semen…. or is that something else I am thinking of?

  53. hotrats says:

    BJ:

    No, thats homo-opathy. The less semen, the gayer it makes you.

  54. Info Gatherer says:

    two cents’ worth

    Since you asked, another comic covered that:
    http://sinfest.net/view.php?date=2013-08-16

  55. Muscleguy says:

    While an undergraduate I maintained that the student union coffee tasted like sump oil I was asked how I knew. My mentioning that smell and taste are intimately related and I have smelled my share of sump oil was not universally accepted. I had a holiday job at a cycle shop and one Saturday morning I left a cup of instant on the bench to attend to something and when I came back I took a big swig. My first thought was truthfully: this tastes like union coffee. My colleagues then fell about laughing. My coffee had been laced with oil. Fortunately not used but I maintain my assessment stands.

  56. Thomas says:

    With all the stupid memes that are bouncing around in the void in their skull it is probably for the best that they don’t breed (I’m pretty sure they won’t use contraception when/if they get round to it) as their child would get exposed to those memes before it built up an immunity. That and the enabling genes.

  57. two cents' worth says:

    Info Gatherer, thanks for that–so good it made me laugh out loud on a Monday morning!

    WanderingPast – apparently, the Crockers, like some early Christians, have taken “St.” Paul’s advice to heart. I’m pretty sure that the Crockers are not Catholics; one of a Catholic couple’s wedding vows is the promise to raise the children as Catholics. The Crockers’ attitude is quite a contrast to that of the Jews, who consider it a double mitzvah to have sex on the Sabbath. I think that’s because of the commandments to “be fruitful and multiply” and to keep the Sabbath holy.

  58. HaggisForBrains says:

    WP – What are they waiting for, the Second Coming? Um, or should that be the first coming…

    It turns out that the story is a Poe, but so good that more than one online xtian sucked it up (perhaps not the best choice of phrase…).

  59. white+squirrel says:

    No, thats homo-opathy. The less semen, the gayer it makes you.

    so the more semen, the less gay it makes you?

    on that basis coffee without semen would definitly make you gay

  60. white+squirrel says:

    what wonderful stuff semen must be if it can effect the brain cells so dramatically

  61. WalterWalcarpit says:

    Methinks the eating of a raw potato rather gives that Poe away. But it was a pretty good one.

    Now I wonder in Manning himself is a Poe.
    I mean, I know he exists but how many of us asked our cultural equivilants of “Is he for real?” as we watched his video?
    At least until his childlike take on the seminal ingredient of Coke Cola helped to confirm that he was indeed an idiot.
    And then again, perhaps he is a fool of the manner of a court jester, whose task was to stimulate a different interpretation of events with something not unlike the innocent wisdom of the boy who sees the naked emperor, and that Manning’s mission is actually a subterfuge and his show an elaborate satire of the TV evangelist right down to his appealing for the suckers’ money.
    It would be a very clever way to make some money and probably that much more honest too.

  62. Robert,+not+Bob says:

    Considering how insane and detached-from-reality the ideas of certain parts of society can get-such as the labeling of absolutely anything as satanic-the question of whether the nut-of-the-moment is a poe borders on the meaningless. You can’t really poe people who have no lunacy limit whatsoever. Whether he is or not, he’s now created a new, permanent conspiracy theory.

  63. white+squirrel says:

    Suffolk blue
    the image in top of the cup could also be veiwed as a sliced mushroom, an apple and some arabic writing

  64. plainsuch says:

    Is poor Mad Manning a deliberate Poe? I doubt it’s deliberate.

    In the USA, Homosexuality was a diagnosis of a mental disorder until 1973. Most men who came of age more than about 30 years ago learned that homosexuality was sinful and insane. Doubly insane because discrimination and violence against homosexuals was socially acceptable. In some pockets of sub-sub-culture it’s still that way. I think that’s why we have so many rabid homophobes caught while engaging in gay sex. If you believe gays are evil and despicable and you’ve struggled your entire life to deny and sublimate your primary sexual orientation but you still have these thoughts, then obviously those thoughts must be blamed on The Other for magically infecting you with their gayness cooties.

  65. Mr Gronk says:

    Sodomite semen would vastly improve the taste of Starbucks coffee.

  66. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    FreeFox! Welcome back, fella. Like Darwin I too have been feeling a growing concern over your absence. How are things with you nowadays?

    Suffolk Blue, excellent link. I wish I’d taken photo’s of the artistic creations the beautiful Mrs. o’Sagan used to put onto the head of a pint of Guiness back in her own barmaid days.

    I do hope the Crocker link is a Poe otherwise Mr C. is in danger of a tapeworm infestation.

    To the topic at hand (phnaaar phnaar), the issue of supply notwithstanding I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Starbucks was serving up sperm lattes; with their tax-avoiding antics they’re already shafting the UK economy, so they’d might as well have a happy finish!

  67. Plainsuch says:

    Rupert Murdoch is an Expat?

  68. white+squirrel says:

    easy answer acolyte

    a tax on sperm- that would sort starbucks

  69. plainsuch says:

    A tax on…? Oh my. That would pump up the Gross National Product, wouldn’t it.

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