Today I’m away, so here’s a resurrection from 17 years ago.

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Discussion (31)¬

  1. Son of Glenner says:

    I seem to remember hearing about a big advertising campaign by the Jehovah’s Witnesses back in the 1920s, on the theme “Millions now alive will never die” or similar. (Long before I was born, by the way!) Very few people, if any, alive at that time, are now left.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Just for irritating the USA extreme right, The Boys should have a can of Bud Light sitting innocuously on a chair arm, or table, someday.

  3. Another great one! Do more about jee-ziss! Most of all, https://tinyurl.com/lkt01

  4. Oliver says:

    One of those people is alive and wandering here and there, he is called the wandering jew.

  5. Laripu says:

    Have you noticed this? When people claim that have a holy relic of Jesus, it’s always a some innocuous object related to him like the shroud or a piece of the holy cross. (I call it holy so as not to appear to be ‘rood’. 😉 )

    There are even places that claimed to have the foreskin of Jesus.


    Jesus ate and drank. He must have taken a dump somewhere. Why is there no holy relic of a Jesus turd? There are a number of different claimed body relics, but no Jesus turd. Do you think the ending of Chaucer’s Pardoner’s Tale had anything to do with reducing the popularity of “holy $hít”?


    Let’s see if the site allows that word when spelled correctly: “holy shit !!”

  6. smee says:

    Every church in Rome has aholy relic. Having visited churches in both Rome and elsewhere. I was most surprised to find that given the number of fingers on display, St Peter and some other saints, appear to have had a minimum of three hands each?
    As for the cross, they must have made it from a forest of giant redwoods. He must have been able to clamber up it to get back to heaven.

  7. Pandora Dogg says:

    They also serve who only stand and wait
    -John Milton

  8. jveeds says:

    I come across the JWs (I call them the Yahweh’s Witnesses, which they patiently endure) outside the library where they modestly camp out every day. According to one of their handbooks, Jesus became King of Heaven in 1914. The pamphlet cites Daniel and when I point out to the YW’s that Daniel is just about the most bogus book in the Hebrew scripture, they just point to Timothy. I have to admit that they patiently listen to me point out that Daniel was written 250 years AFTER the events it prophecizes and say that it would be like me prophesying that George Washington would be president of the U.S. But they don’t care, because they’re not really biblical scholars, just biblical followers.

  9. postdoggerel says:

    Relics are not just for the religious, but also for those whose works were prodigious.

  10. M27Holts says:

    The second coming? If you keep yourself fit (as a man) you should be able to achieve this well into your eighties….

  11. M27Holts says:

    Anyway, has anybody claimed to possess the holy hairy ballbag? The Cojones of christ church, has a good vibe to it, has it not?

  12. Rrr says:

    Sí, sí, sí

  13. Rrr says:

    What little I recall from the “history” of JW, is that it had been before-hand prophecized that 1914 would initiate the End Times of war, pestilence and natural disasters. Of course, that may have been all a post-fact construction. Still, it held that those then alive would live to see Teh End. Well, if any of them did they would be world record holders for longevity by now.

    Also, the Seats in Heaven were numbered and limited to 144k – most if not all would already be occupied by a century of true believers.

    Maybe time for an Amendment, hey JW?

  14. Rrr says:

    Oh. On this morbid theme, The Man With The Diamond Ring has checked his Ticket to Heaven at a mere 93 yo: Pat Robertson.

    (Ref: Mark Knopfler)

  15. James R. Baerg says:

    Smee: “… given the number of fingers on display, St Peter and some other saints, appear to have had a minimum of three hands each?”

    Apparently some of the fossil early tetrapods had as many as 8 toes/fingers per foot/hand. Maybe the saints were throwbacks.

  16. postdoggerel says:

    Rrr, 144k slots in heaven? That’s just gross. Bill Gates once thought that 640k memory was enough for anyone. Hell, they launched the space shuttle with that much. Look out when someone shows AI the James Webb telescope stuff. It could lead to inflation.

  17. M27Holts says:

    The Joeys are so full of shit, each one of them is a mobile cess pit…

  18. Laripu says:

    My wife’s uncle (by marriage to her aunt) was a JW and she converted to that from Catholicism. He was particularly rabid, trying to talk everyone into being a JW too. The one time I met him he tried to convert me, babbling on and on about the bible. Anyway, that was in Germany. In my best rudimentary crappy German, I told him “Hans, es ist schon genug”, meaning “Hans, it’s enough already”. That made my wife laugh. 🙂

    Anyway, for a few months before he died, he had dementia. With the same fervor as before, he went around telling everyone that he was an atheist, and trying to get people to agree. It’s strange, I wish I had been there to hear it, but I only got the stories about his atheism second hand, and his wife wasn’t proud of it, of course.

  19. paradoctor says:

    I see in this the premise for a series of satires: “Jesus’s Premature Return”. He comes back, looks around, says “not yet”, and returns to Heaven. Set this in various eras.

  20. Laripu says:

    postdoggerel, about the Bill Gates 640K thing… It shows that if you create a capability, people will figure out multiple uses. I shudder to think about what genetic manipulation will allow cosmetically, in a century.

    I suspect 12″ long penises and woman with three functional breasts.

    And also, lifespan extension that only very rich people will be able to afford. And then: “No eventuality is surer perhaps, the rich get richer and the poor get dirt naps.”

  21. Laripu says:

    paradoctor, in your Jesus series, Rowan Atkinson would be great as Jesus if he were younger. Now, maybe Simon Pegg. Or Adam Sandler. Actually I think the best might be Pete Davidson.

  22. M27Holts says:

    My wife’s not impressed by the 195cm penis she’s married to…haha

  23. M27Holts says:

    Best Jesus? Tim Minchin?

  24. Son of Glenner says:

    M27Holts: 76.8 inches/6 feet 5 inches?

    I think not!

    Did you mean millimetres, which in any case are the preferred units these days? (Except of course in the non-metric good ole USA!)

  25. Rrr says:

    Lost for humour here 🙁
    But I rather suspect M27 is self-referring as one big Dick.
    Not to scale.

  26. Rrr says:

    M27: is that the barefoot Ginger man? Memory fades.

  27. M27Holts says:

    Rrr. He is an atheist aussie? Who sings anti religious comedy songs…and he looks like Jesus…

  28. M27Holts says:

    Everybody assumes that the giant with the erect penis is as old as stone henge…an ancient fertility symbol…17th century innit. Possibly done to annoy those pesky quakers…

  29. Rrr says:

    M27: Yes, the name felt familiar. He did a song about discrimination based on colour with himself as a victim being called something with 1N, 1I, 2G, 1E and 1R – GINGER. Performed barefoot.

  30. Paul T Seed says:

    Tim Minchin as Jesus would be excellent. As well as his work as a comedian and piano player; he is the composer and lyricist of Matilda the Musical and Groundhog Day The Musical. Has also acted: rock star Atticus Fetch in Californication and Lucky Flynn Upright (which he also co-wrote).


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