More accurate, but not so punchy.

Discussion (51)¬

  1. DCM says:

    Barmaid nails it yet again.

  2. melonheadgreg says:

    God that’s good.

  3. Sometimes pedantry is just what’s needed!

    But then I would say that, wouldn’t I.

  4. JohnM says:

    Same Harris has more or less said the same thing – but used at least 2,000 more words to do so

  5. I recently saw a face book post that called President Obama a fascist.


    You are on the right and your problem with the president from the left is that he is too far to the right?

    In the USA I constantly see people fret that we are becoming socialist. The example given is Obama Care. But the idiots don’t realize that in a socialist country the government would OWN the hospital, not just pay a capitalist that owns it. In the meantime we are a fairly fascist country already and nobody worries about that. I think the logic goes “Socialism has the word social in it so social programs must be socialist and that is bad”. Fascism has the word fasc in it and I don’t see any of that so we must be all right. When you go to insult someone by calling them socialist or fascist but it is obvious you don’t know what a socialist or a fascist is then it sounds to my ear like you may as well have said poo poo head. At least then your fifth grader mentality is couched in fifth grader language.

  6. DocAtheist says:

    Author, I don’t know how you do it, coming up with fresh material, time after time!

    May I offer one? Between children dying because their parents insist on prayer healing only (USA at least and Texas especially, despite recent the two time parental murderers in Pennsylvania), and children burned to death with fire or with acid for being witches (all over Africa and especially in Nigeria), and children burned to death for being the antichrist (like the 3 day old infant girl in South America, recently), it seems the New Testament god decided to use his own son to restart the very child sacrifice he was suppose to stop with Abraham and Isaac. Everywhere evangelical (Dominionist) Christianity spreads, child sacrifice follows and/or increases. Christianity: The new center of excellence in child sacrifice.

  7. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    So barmaid’s a UPOTWA member too.

    Thanks to all for your concerns over my absence of late. I managed to break an arm and several bones in both hands. I’ll be back properly once the cast and strappings are off, but for now it’s still too painful to do much (this has taken 40 minutes to type, but I had to let you all know that I am at least still alive, if not exactly kicking).

  8. botanist says:

    Ah – welcome back AoS 🙂 Thanks for the update, hope you soon feel more comfortable.

  9. … break an arm and several bones in both hands.

    So I am guessing that you fell. Motorcycle, skateboard, horse, it doesn’t really matter, but then you put your hands out to catch yourself. At 40 minutes to type a simple message, don’t bother to answer this. Well now that I have admonished you NOT to answer, I’ll sign off with:

    You BROKE your hand!?! You need to stop beating Mrs Sagan BEFORE you break your hand!


  10. Acolyte. Whew. I’m sure FreeFox will echo this sentiment.
    I liked this one, Author. Don’t know why I was lukewarm to the last one, but you’re back in top form.

  11. machigai says:

    Good to hear from you.

  12. HaggisForBrains says:

    Welcome back AoS, and take care.

  13. DocAtheist says:

    AoS, OUCHIE! I do hope you feel better soon. Bone fragments start to get “sticky” and stabilize in a week or 10 days, and pain starts to go down a lot, then. It still takes 4-5 weeks for the mending to be strong, but at least the pain gets better, first. Keep those upper extremities up, to keep the throbbing down…. Poor thing!

  14. Nassar Ben Houdja says:

    Those advocating supremacy.
    Are most decisively out of their tree.
    Peaceful missionaries of assorted cults.
    Use the body count to tally results.
    Display benefits of membership for all to see.

  15. IanB says:

    AoS – not good. Drugs are good okay, take any and all painkillers on offer.

  16. omg says:

    AoS, I hope you will recover very soon. But I assure you, I will not pray for you 😉

  17. Nassar’s latest limeric is just about the very worst I have heard from a standpoint of meter.

    I find the message very powerful though.

    🙂 AoS I can’t help but steal from omg. I too shall not pray for you. 🙂

  18. JohnM says:


    We do know for sure now that Nasser is a Vogon

  19. Mother Goose says:

    I don’t have anything to add to this. It says it all. No question.

  20. Necessary Evil says:

    So obviously brilliant!

  21. hotrats says:

    Good to know you’re still in the land of the living, perhaps you should invest in Dragon Dictate to keep your input coming without having to suffer for it. If you can’t raise a glass at the Cock and Bull, the barmaid will be happy to give you a straw.

    Stephen Fry has pointed out the oddity of Americans having no problem with socialised armed forces, law enforcement and education, but throwing their hands up in panic at the idea of socialised health care. In equating any kind of socialism with hard-line communism, they have kept the bathwater and thrown out the baby.

    ‘Vogon’ is a bit harsh; perhaps it’s time we all gave Nasser a break and stopped imposing limerick scansion rules on his five-liners – perhaps we could call them nabehews – and acknowledge that his content is often spot-on, with a fine grasp of pointed sarcasm. Now if only he would stop putting full stops (periods to you Yanks) at the end of each line…

  22. Undeluded says:

    I am dying to actually hear Nassar recite one of his quasi-limericks. Nassar – next time could you record also record it and post a link to it, please?

  23. Undeluded says:

    Indeed, Barmaid has nailed it. Unfortunately, I think J&M are not in behaving in character. They are actually agreeing with her that their views are fascistic – something no Christian or Muslim would do. Were they in character, the last panel would have them debunking her and/or protesting that religion is not a form of fascism.

  24. FreeFox says:

    Hey, AoS, you know what they say: Prayer is like masturbation. Makes you feel good, not the person you’re thinking about… want me to pray for you? 😀

  25. FreeFox says:

    (Or was “praying” what caused you this unfortunate condition? 😉 )

  26. mary2 says:

    AoS, I’m with Floridakitesurfer – get off the skateboard! I’m sending lots of positive healing vibes your way. Dying to hear the story but I guess that’ll have to wait ’til you can type.

    Author, fabulous

  27. Tim says:

    This may be the best yet. Howabout putting it on a t shirt

  28. VoteCoffee says:

    I’ve always imagined Nassar reading in the beat poet fashion…

  29. VoteCoffee says:

    With all sincerity, Nassar, I enjoy reading your poetic contributions. Cheers!

  30. FreeFox says:

    I think J&M are kinda bratty subs. As long as Barmaid tries to argue with them patiently, rationally, treating them as adults they get all huffy-puffy and behave like name-calling little boys, secure in their apparent supremacy, but as soon as she is very firm with them, they usually go along – grumbling, but deep down satsified that she has recognised their naughtiness and reacted to it. It’s part of a totalitarian mindset – everything must fit into a hierarchy. And she is clearly their superiour… bit like the kind of strict nurse or stern grammar school teacher that gives you funny dreams… 😉 So I think they are behaving very much in character, Undeluded.

  31. bitter lemon says:

    5:45 And We ordained therein for them: Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth and wounds equal for equal. But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zalimun (polytheists and wrongdoers . .

    @AoS: He whose hands inflicts pain upon believers through typed words, shall have the same pain visited upon their hands.

    It is time for you to stop writing calumny and start reading the noble book of the perfect truth

  32. machigai says:

    bitter lemon
    You are a very poor excuse for a human being.
    Be ashamed.

  33. Balaam says:

    I linked to this on UAF’s Facebook page. They deleted it and banned me.

  34. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    Bitter Lemon, I’ve read it, that’s why I’m atheist. It can’t help me now anyway; one uses a bible to treat ganglions, not breaks.

    To all, thanks again for all your kind words. Details will have to wait, hopefully not for much longer, but FKS was right-ish. It was a fall, but involved Pipistrelle bats and a lapse of concentration.

    FreeFox, pray away, fella. At least one of us will get some benefit from my misfortune 😉

  35. jerry w says:

    @bitter lemon
    I’ve read the noble book of the perfect truth, or as I like to call it
    “The Complete Calvin and Hobbes” by Bill Watterson. It never
    fails to give me hope.

    The funniest bumper sticker I’ve ever seen:
    “Jesus es mi jardinero”……
    If you don’t speak spanish, find someone (choose carefully) who
    does and have them translate it for you.

  36. hotrats says:

    bitter lemon:
    calumny: a false and malicious statement designed to injure the reputation of someone or something.
    Seeing that I’ve never seen anything written by AoS that was eithier false or malicious, in your attempt to injure his reputation, the calumny is yours.
    Now piss off back under your bridge, troll.

  37. JohnM says:

    @jerry w

    There are those who reckon Jesus’s gardening was mostly of the uphill variety


    Bats are a problem for one’s health, certainly. I have Kuhl’s Pipistrelle roosting behind my shutters. I might’ve fallen over with excitement and broken lots of bones, but they turned out to be well within their normal range. Then there’s also a nice winter hibernaculum of Schreiber’s Bat 5 mins down the road, but the windmill mafia seem determined to wipe them out by erecting wind turbines nearby. So I could become very choleric over this and suffer an infarction.

  38. FreeFox says:

    *joins bitter lemon under that bridge and discusses with the subtleties of irony and the pitfalls of distinguished trolldom* :p

    AoS, I’ll look forward to your “story” about your “accident” (though we both know that you broke your wrists “praying”, eh? Too much of a good thing and all that, you know *giggles*)

  39. FreeFox says:

    argh: *discusses with him the subtleties… 😉

  40. Undeluded says:

    Freefox – Please pardon me when I beg to differ with your psychoanalytic sophistry. J&M represent proselytizing, monotheistic religions, and as such would NEVER admit to any “naughtiness,” as you call it. You and I indeed recognize the Barmaid (isn’t it great that we capitalize her vocation?) is their superior, but they NEVER do – they have their OWN superior(s). The mindset hierarchy they follow is: deity, themselves, believers, everyone else. Admitting that religion is a form of fascism is just impossible – therefore, out of character! On those rare occasions where they SEEM to be satisfied after a batrachomyomachia [cheers to those who did not need to look this one up] with the Barmaid, it is because of a gross misinterpretation of her words – and the point of the entire episode!

    And to those rebutters who might point at J&M sharing a drink or sharing a bed as being ‘out of character’ – please! It is not. It is a premise to the existence of the strip, which gives it its special flavor – not one of the principles they discuss.

  41. FreeFox says:

    Undeluded! You dare to contradict me?! Apostate! Blasphemer! Get thee behind me! 😉 Actually, I think J&M tend to adapt their character a little bit according to author’s weekly punchline – which in itself isn’t really that out of character, just see how effortless religious authorities switch tracks once prevailing winds blow to strongly against them, and how retroactively whatever position they hold has been theirs since time immemorial. But for the sake of argument (and what better arguments are there than those made for their own sake), I would say that you may be right on the surface. But most fascistoid/fanatic minds, there is a lot of neurotic stuff going on under whatever “rational” they put over it – that is why you cannot convince them with rational arguments: The “reasons” they give are just rationalisations, pulled together like a fig leaf to mask whatever real stuff is going on underneath. And in my experience (short but intense 😉 *all* devout or fanatical monotheists are sadomasochists, secretly convinced of their own sinfulness and worthlessness. The more righteous they behave, the more they know of their own evil. And *all* sinners *need* to be unmasked. Oh, they will struggle against it, sure enough, on the surface, and perhaps you are right, in this case their pretend struggle has been too brief, but maybe author simply skipped that in order to get to the punchline within 4 panels. Imagine loads of protest, indignation, sulking, and irrational counterattacks between panels 3 and 4… but in the end, sinners (by that I mean “righteous” people convinced of their own worthlessness, i.e. all righteous-acting monotheists) crave to be unmasked, shamed and exposed (and, then, against their deepest fears shown they are still loved, in that particularly perverse way of spare-the-rod tough love). It is their fear that they will NOT be loved but only expelled that fills them with the hatred and loathing and sadism that leads them to mistreat anyone they can find their own faults with so viciously… what makes them fascists. And all in all, I think you can find this in J&M, too, as you go through the strips. It is not always apparent, but especially their desperate need for Barmaid’s approval and their desire to convince her, often lets this deep seated weakness glimmer through…
    There. ^_^

  42. FreeFox says:

    So their arguments with Barmaid are not a Froschmäusekrieg at all (would you really call Barmaid either mouse or frog in this?), but instead the sort of bratty behaviour that, as Mrs. Alice Miller noted, leads to Mona Lisa smiles on spanked boys faces.

  43. jerry w says:

    Here in California, my gardener’s name is pronounced “Hey-Zeus”, thereby combining at least two myths. Now before you Greeks that aren’t too busy with financial meltdowns pick up pitchforks and torches…..

  44. JoJo says:

    Way back when I took A level politics we were studying various political ideologies. Observing that the term ‘fascist’ was bandied around an awful lot and being bright enough to recognise some watered down terminology when we saw it, we asked our teacher for a proper definition of ‘fascist’ that wouldn’t lose us marks in an exam essay. He sat back in his seat, smiled and said, “That’s easy. A Fascist is someone who kicks your teeth in when you call him a Fascist.”
    Damn good teacher. I got an ‘A’.

  45. max says:

    “. . . the worst Fascists were they who disowned the word “Fascism” and preached enslavement to Capitalism under the style of Constitutional and Traditional Native American Liberty. For they were thieves not only of wages but of honor. To their purpose they could quote not only Scripture, but Jefferson.” — Sinclair Lewis, It Can’t Happen Here (1935), spoken by the character Doremus.

  46. Mike N. says:

    Hi AoS, I’ve read your comment on the previous thread and I’m just glad you’re, relatively, OK. I look forward to your being able to contribute with your usual frequency in the near future. No need to reply if it still hurts, just accept my good wishes along everyone else. Make sure the NHS are gving you their best care.

  47. Mike N. says:

    Along with everyone else that is.

  48. hotrats says:

    jerry w:

    Potential sermon: “You know, in a way, ‘Jesus es jardinero de todos’.”

  49. Undeluded says:

    FreeFox – sorry for the delay in answering. I shudder and tremble at the possibility that you may disapprove of understanding me as contradicting you. [:-)] ‘Apostate, blasphemer…’ – thanks for the brotherly words, I shall cherish the compliment forever. [More :-)] All in all, I think you have you have climbed way out on a limb, making spurious assumptions, and standing staunchly behind Author (which is highly commendable, though – in this case – erroneous). I admire your prose, but in this case not its contents. I implore Author – who has my most fervent respect, esteem and deference – to bend his own rules slightly, and take a stand on this issue.


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