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December 26th, 2018

Here’s a Christmas one from 10 years ago.

Best wishes to all readers of Jesus & Mo!

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Discussion (24)¬

  6. Irony meters are not strong enough for this stuff. You need an UNobtainium meter to handle religion.

  7. I wasn’t yet reading J&M 10 years ago, so this was new to me. I liked it and it’s added a new word to my vocabulary: SPOING. 🙂

  8. Author: I think there must be a business opportunity for you here…..a fancy box with some sort of circuitry to swing a needle…randomly or according to speech patterns/volume/pitch…. If you can market it as holy you could become a millionaire….again! 😉

  9. Sometimes these are ok, sometimes they’re EXCELLENT. This one was EXCELLENT!

    Say, where are all the schizophrenic religious cranks, redneck jesus freaks, and illiterate towelhead sand devils here?

    I want to hear stupid people tell me how their loving, merciful gods and goddesses will set me on fire and burn me alive for billions of years to punish me for not believing they exist with absolutely no evdience. It gives my clit a boner.

  11. @walter: there this country just south of the border from me where half of the population believes ayn rand and jesus have entirely compatible philosophies. i doubt any irony meter would make it out of the assembly line in kentucky. and my country has been hyperventilating about hijabs and similar medieval contraptions all the way up to the day they decided the crucifix at the assemblĂ©e nationale should stay because, you know, tradition and all. (yeah, traditions that goes way back
 to the fifties, when we were hyperventilating about those godless communists, just like that “under god” tradition in the u.s.)

    anyhow, a belated happy birthday to our friend jesus and a merry christmas to all.

  13. Back when I were a lad we had irony meters that would last for at least ten minutes before spoinging. Plus they didn’t have all that environmental control stuff on them so when they did spoing you could fix them yourself instead of taking them to the repair shop to be unspoinged.

  14. Luxi Turna: “where are all the schizophrenic religious cranks, redneck jesus freaks, and illiterate towelhead sand devils?” We do get occasional visitors like that in the old Cock & Bull pub, usually just one at a time. They are usually chewed to pieces by the regulars, but keep coming back for more until Author takes pity on them and puts them out of their misery by blocking them.

    Interesting to hear that you find them erotically stimulating.

  16. You’d think by now that J&M would know better than to muck around with irony meters. They’ve had absolutely NO luck with them at all from the get-go, and judging from the above, the barmaid won’t either so long as they hang out with her!

  18. Well in my experience the clitoris, when stimulated , engorges with blood and protrudes from its hood like an engorged red bean…clitoris size varies from woman to woman some women have quite large clits. I think the women I have been with all had similar sized clits…im sure the regulars in the cock and bull will confirm my empirical evidence…

  19. there once was a girl from st. morris
    who would play around with her thesaurus
    she would seek the best word
    for a heavenly bird
    and would settle
    on one
    the Ptloris

  21. the ptloris is beauteous indeed
    a robust and rebellious breed
    it’s the paradise bird, a presumptuous word,
    but applied here in obvious need.

    a stamen comes on to a pistil
    and the love poets chew on their gristle
    how did this come about
    and how will it turn out,
    I don’t know, it’s so deep
    it’s abyssal

    if it weren’t for you oversexed broads
    dressed in shorts to bring ribald applause
    you be there on the street
    they say sweet sweet sweet
    and you magic hips sway all away

    so the topic tonite was to bore us
    and review pertinent material on the clitoris
    am I relevant to state
    it’s never too late
    to effloresce, all ramiflorous.

  22. The religion of peace has struck again. Stabbing a 50 year old woman and man @ a Manchester station that I have used hundreds of times. The 7th century barbarians are far too close to my home for comfort…

  24. I table a motion to add SPOING to the dictionary and use it in everyday speech.

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