I’m on holiday at the moment, so I dug out this old limerick from 2006. See you next week.

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Discussion (29)¬

  1. HaggisForBrains says:

    Brilliant! It took a minute to realise it’s a limerick.

  2. WalterWalcarpit says:

    Brilliant. It took me a comment to realise it’s a limerick.

  3. Justin Case says:

    Thank YOU, HfB, it took reading your comment for me to realize. I’ve wondered why there wasn’t a commandment against slavery; a Jehovah’s Witless friend said that god didn’t LIKE slavery but he tolerated it. Why would god have to tolerate ANYTHING from us? He doesn’t even tolerate bacon-cheeseburgers (on Friday).

    If there were a commandment, “Thou shalt not text and drive” I’d believe it was more than early bronze-age babbling. Unfortunately, too many conflate the ten commandments with the ten amendments.

  4. laxeyman says:

    Regulars here will maybe be familiar with Hitchen’s revised ten commandments.

    I: Do not condemn people on the basis of their ethnicity or color.
    II: Do not ever use people as private property.
    III: Despise those who use violence or the threat of it in sexual relations.
    IV: Hide your face and weep if you dare to harm a child.
    V: Do not condemn people for their inborn nature.
    VI: Be aware that you too are an animal and dependent on the web of nature, and think and act accordingly.
    VII: Do not imagine that you can escape judgment if you rob people with a false prospectus rather than with a knife.
    VIII: Turn off that fucking cell phone.
    IX: Denounce all jihadists and crusaders for what they are: psychopathic criminals with ugly delusions.
    X: Be willing to renounce any god or any religion if any holy commandments should contradict any of the above.

  5. Caliban27 says:

    Dear Author has done it all again
    Jesus and Mo are his stolid Men.
    Drawn with simplicity,
    Adorned ironically,
    One is left with nought but Amen.

  6. DocAtheist says:

    Guffaw! LOL!

  7. Laripu says:

    It ought to be “congregants”, but that doesn’t rhyme.
    Author: how about “they don’t ban hands in pants of young congregants”, which has the merit of an extra instance of assonance. (That rhyme unintended. πŸ™‚ )

    It now occurs to me that I could have written all the above as a limerick, but that would just have been showing off.

  8. M27Holts says:

    There was a young lady from China…

  9. DC Toronto says:

    I always enjoy J&M but sometimes I literally LOL. Nice one author. I thought it was going to be a rehash of an argument that’s been made many times but the punch line is a new twist (to me at least).
    edit – I just noticed authors note that this is from 2006. Still timely after all these years. Sadly some things never change.

  10. Chiefy says:

    It is a particularly good time to bring this one back, although there never seems to be a time when the Church is not defending herself against such charges. Appropriate Onion headline: https://www.theonion.com/pope-promises-more-open-transparent-molestation-in-fut-1828663069

  11. Laripu says:

    M27Holts, how about magically disappearing limericks? I offer two examples:

    1. Nothing up my sleeve:

    There was a young man from Peru
    Whose limerick ends at line two.

    2. And in the same spirit:

    There was a young man from Verdun.

    Now everyone here has been properly molested. Go and sin no more. πŸ™‚

  12. Jim Baerg says:

    Lapiru: Before those 2 put

    There was a young man of Japan
    Whose limericks never would scan
    He said with a grin
    It’s because I put in
    As many syllables into the very last line as I possibly can

  13. hotrats says:

    John Locke said, “An angel drops by
    And biology’s left high and dry!
    Without human sperm
    Came our Saviour to term,
    Or did one Jewish minx tell a lie?”

  14. Laripu says:

    Hotrats, your last line was what I was told in my family, by my father, who called himself a “freethinker”, an old term which I think ought to have a revival. He also thought it possible that she’d been raped by a Roman, perhaps a soldier.

    Repurposing a rhyme I suggested in a previous post, with a slight rhyme shift:

    Jehovah got young Mary pregnant
    So she’d deliver a holy descendant.
    But his priests stick their hands
    In young congregants’ pants.
    Is it out of his power to prevent it?

  15. M27Holts says:

    The Jesus myth allows for all manner of historical red herrings. I think that most visitors to this site are in the “Jesus is mythical” camp. Lack of concrete archaeology and corroborated non-verbal records has condemned the Nazarene to be the Christian version of Dionysus…

  16. Son of Glenner says:

    All this chat about limericks and other verse reminds me – what’s happened to Nasser Ben Houdja?

  17. Troubleshooter says:

    This from the guy who insisted that “Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.” (Matthew 5:18) Is the Son now critiquing his dear old Dad’s work?!?

  18. Troubleshooter says:

    Not quite on topic, but so long as we’re doing limericks:

    The prophecies all fallen flat.
    Predictions of doom are just that.
    Evangel or Witness
    Both losing their business,
    While atheists smile and stand pat.

  19. oldebabe says:

    Troubleshooter: good, and SO on topic (ISTM).

  20. HelenaHandbasket says:

    There once was a man
    From Nantucket, who was not
    Much good at Haiku

  21. HelenaHandbasket says:

    Laripu: You are bad person. “There once was a man from Verdun” indeed. You should be ashemed of yourself…

    Since we appear to be in this sort of whimsical mood, there’s Tom Stoppard’s anti-limerick from Travesties:

    A performative poet of Hibernia
    Rhymed himself into a hernia
    He became quite adept
    At this practice, except
    For the occasional non-sequitur.

  22. Troubleshooter says:

    Inspiration while going to pick up pizza!

    It’s a CRIME that some priests are obsessed
    With young boys that they want to molest,
    But I would be cheering
    If priests started hearing
    The words: “YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!”

    Book ’em, Danno!

  23. Laripu says:

    Great limericks everyone. πŸ™‚

    The creativity this strip has engendered
    Will probably not be remembered.
    But we do it despite that.
    Engaged in the fight that
    To faith we will not be indentured.

  24. M27Holts says:

    Aye. Quality limericking…all round…I can’t compete with such limerickery trickery…

  25. MarkyWarky says:

    If God did truly exist
    His priests would never persist
    In rapes and in gropes
    Protected by Popes
    Who are guilty as them, I insist

  26. Someone says:

    The faithful are taught to be prude
    And to frown upon what is “lewd”
    This leaves them repressed
    Or at worst, obsessed
    No surprise their victims are screwed.

  27. Keltic Green says:

    There was an old priest from Milan,
    Who liked to rape boys in his van,
    Said: β€˜I cannot surpass
    Raping boys up the arse
    Ignoring their silly sex ban.’

  28. JoJo says:

    Mary had a little sheep
    And with that sheep she went to sleep
    The sheep turned out to be a ram
    Mary had a little lamb

  29. Troubleshooter says:

    And THAT, JoJo, is what you call an unanticipated RAMIFICATION!


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