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I’m sure I saw this joke somewhere over the weekend, but I can’t find the source anywhere. If you know where I stole it from, let me know, and I’ll put up a link.

J&M four years ago today: race.

UPDATE: Thanks to all who pointed out possible sources. It was most likely a retweet of @MinouChatte that I saw. It is also a demotivational poster and a t-shirt. So not very original, I’m afraid – though this might be the first time it’s been turned into a “Your mum” joke.



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Discussion (52)¬

  1. Boatie says:

    oooh that hurts. jesus was like totally pwned

  2. Edwards says:

    hahaha you got served jesus

  3. Herm says:

    For a split second I thought J&M had stooped to “your mum” jokes, then light dawned. Hee hee!

  4. Cristina HB says:

    I saw the joke re-tweeted by PZ Myers; can’t remember who posted the original–so search Twitter. At any rate–spot on!

  5. Satya Venugopal says:

    ouch! whi-tisshh!! jesus got whipped!

  6. DKeane says:

    It is a snorg tee – you possibly go it from here:

    http://www.snorgtees.com/abstinence-99-99-effective

    Hilarious

  7. Skilldrick says:

    I saw it retweeted from here: http://twitter.com/ProSexTips/status/33987528579088385, but a quick Twitter search reveals that this one was first (about 8h earlier): http://twitter.com/#!/MinouChatte/status/33866218603683840

  8. Runar says:

    Many years ago, I saw a Second City performance that included a sketch of Joseph and a very pregnant Mary talking to a marriage counselor. THe following exchange takes place:

    Counselor: “Well, Mary, who IS the father?”
    Mary: “The Man upstairs.”
    Joseph: “You slept with the LANDLORD?”

    Almost as good as the portrayal of the conception of Jesus as depicted in National Lampoon’s “Son-O’-God Comics” – a dove flies up Mary’s dress.

  9. Dave N says:

    Ho ho!

  10. Practicing sexual abstinence is obviously 100% effective against pregnancy.

    Teaching sexual abstinence… Not so much.

  11. It teenagers could be taught to abstain there would be a lot fewer humans on this planet. Good luck with that sales job. The sex drive is one of our strongest drives, or we wouldn’t be here. For teenagers it’s stronger than the survival instinct. But speaking of sales jobs, I’ve always wondered about the story that Mary told Joseph. If your girlfriend laid that line on you, would you believe her? Now that would take an act of faith, or gullibility beyond belief.

  12. kiyaroru says:

    Runar
    I remember Son-O-God comic!
    wow. are you ever old.

  13. Chris Hughes says:

    ‘A teenage erection has no conscience…’

  14. Silent Service says:

    Damn, Coca-Cola hurts coming out the nose.

  15. Submoron says:

    Does anyone remember the Cook & Moore sketch “Gospel truth”? I think that was part of “The Secret Policeman’s Ball”.

  16. Submoron says:

    Here’s part one:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6phIWxmF0k
    A Xian acquaintance found it worse than Life of Brian.

  17. Cygnia says:

    @Darwin Harmless, I’m going to be a little charitable towards Joseph (if he existed) and suggest he took the story in for Mary’s protection, even if it was an arranged marriage. Unwed mothers (then and now) have never been looked on favorably or treated well by society.

  18. Pappy mcfae says:

    hehehehehehehehehhe

  19. hans says:

    If all christians would go along with this abstinence thing, children will only get born if god really wants it. It’s the perfect solution to all our problems :P

  20. kikainonakanoyuurei says:

    @ Runar ~ Son of God comics ~ LOL LOL ^^! ~ THAT is a blast from the past ~ My favorite panel was when young Jesus asked his parents for a “ham sandwhich and a glass of milk” although the look on Mary’s face when the dove flew up her dress is pretty priceless too ~~^^!
    @ author ~ another great strip !! thanks for the morning laugh!!

  21. Martin says:

    I made the following comment back in 2007:
    “I think it’s funny how the Christian right promotes abstinence, while also requiring people to believe that it doesn’t prevent pregnancy. Yes, I’m referring to the Mary incident.”

  22. Peter says:

    I wish ALL christians would practice abstinence.

    Love your work J&M.

  23. Intelligent Designer says:

    I don’t get it. Surely the whole point of the Jesus conception story was that Mary had been sleeping around, and Joseph, being a gullible cuckold, swallowed her spiel about holy spirits and angels, etc? Family honour being more important than facts, everyone toed the line and peddled the myth ever after.

    In one of the Apocrypha Joseph is mentioned as Jesus reaches adulthood: “Verily, he was shamed to behold his son, for it was the face and bearing of a tax collector that Jesus bore. Whom such was witnessed in Nazareth, calling at the house of Joseph when he was newly wed unto Mary. Joseph at that time being down the temple with his bluds, shootin’ pool, innit.”

  24. Runar says:

    kiyaroru – thanks for making me feel old.

    kikainonakanoyuurei – and the follow-up line: “Joseph, I have a feeling you should consider us ENGAGED.” The expression on the dove is pretty good, too.

    I have the entire run of National Lampoon on DVD. Got it used for twenty bucks at Amazon. That particular adventure is in the December 1974 issue.

  25. Phil E. Drifter says:

    Cygnia: “I’m going to be a little charitable towards Joseph (if he existed) and suggest he took the story in for Mary’s protection, even if it was an arranged marriage. Unwed mothers (then and now) have never been looked on favorably or treated well by society.”

    You’re absolutely right. Mary was raped by a roman soldier and was pregnant from it. She and Joseph cooked up a story (one that had been retold for hundreds of years, out of Egypt) about how ‘god’ immaculately conceived Jebus. (a.k.a. god raped her). The punishment for childbirth out of wedlock in those times was to be stoned to death. So she and Joe fled to Egypt regardless of their story.

  26. Prior Aelred says:

    I do so miss “The Son of God” — I remember when the pope was evangelizing all the blacks in the USA & the Son of God turned them into real Christians again by the miraculous multiplication of cornbread and catfish (after which he was lynched by the Klan as an “outside agitator”).
    Good times!

  27. Nassar Ben Houdja says:

    You can barely teach teenagers to read
    Even couch potatoes manage to breed
    But when video games
    Have virtual dames
    That’s all humanities’ vegetation will need.

  28. misi says:

    awesome clip ,..never ever heard this version hehehe!!

  29. HaggisForBrainsDS7 says:

    Just got back. Mrs Brains and I laughed out loud. Excellent.

  30. retete says:

    lol.. “your mum”. that was funny as hell..or as heaven. whatever :))

  31. Ellie says:

    I hate to nitpick (no I don’t really) since this made me guffaw but, strictly speaking, denying that abstinence is the only 100% effective method of birth control means that there is another 100% effective method, not that abstinence is ineffective.

    I’ll get m’coat.

  32. abstinance is 100% efective against STDs and pregancy

    however, it’s 100% impossible to abstinant – so obessing about an impractical solution doesn’t solve any part of the problem.

    and, as any teenager can tell adults – the more taboo a thing is, the more attractive it is.

    so, making sex a non-issue through education

  33. DNME says:

    Ok, so God have some sort of divine immaculate intercourse with Mary who gives birth to Jesus. Jesus is God. Ergo Jesus slips it to his mom… Jesus is the original muthafukker. It’s all right there in the Bible…

  34. James says:

    Congratulations on the first use of that punchline that was actually funny. :)

  35. ShaunOTD says:

    @Ellie – I hate to be pedantic at pedants (lie! I live for it!) but strictly speaking, denying that abstinence is the only 100% effective method of birth control could either mean that there is another 100% effective method, or that abstinence is not 100% effective.
    So there.

  36. Alfredo says:

    This one is great!!!

  37. george says:

    Funny thing is sex before marriage isn’t even considered a sin and is not mentioned at all as a law. The greek word pornea that was translated. Into fornication actually meant “unmarital unfaithfulness” – also premarital sex is not in the 10 commandments and many of the bible prophets, kings and even abraham himself had sex with eother another women who wasn’t their wife or premarital sex…look at isaac – premarital sex isn’t a sin or a law and if anyone ever actually read the bible they’d see that

  38. daoloth says:

    @DNME. The immaculate conception was OF Mary, not BY Mary.
    I know, I should get out more, etc.

  39. Intelligent Designer says:

    @daoloth
    “The immaculate conception was OF Mary, not BY Mary.
    I know, I should get out more, etc.”

    Quite right. A common mistake is the the conception of Jesus is what is meant by ‘the immaculate conception’, but is actually called the ‘Annunciation’.

    The early Christians got themselves into all sorts of theological knots with Mary being a mortal human and thus inherently impure and sinful. They thus decided to make her exempt from Original Sin by special order of God (immaculate). She was deemed to have been chosen by him as the vessel for Jesus’ arrival into the World, even before she was conceived.

  40. Intelligent Designer

    makes you wonder why the Jesus stories didn’t copy the Zeus/Athena story where she just popped out of his head without the need for a mother character

    or parentless Aphrodite rising from the sea on the half-shell…..

  41. Damon Davenport says:

    This is in really poor taste… all for a cheap “joke”? And you people wonder why religious nut-balls run around killing people? For your next joke why don’t you go poke a hornet’s nest with a short stick.

  42. Author says:

    @Damon Davenport – Your mum.

  43. James says:

    @Damon Davenport

    So, when those “nut-balls” riot, rampage and kill over some trifling cartoons, you would blame the cartoonists – again. I think you should adjust your perspective.

    That they chose to take offence does not lessen their responsibility for those crimes. It DOES underline THEIR intolerance of opposing views.

    Recognise the hyperbolic offence-taking of the religious for what it is: Ill-tempered bullying. When you side with bullies, the only thing you’re exhibiting is your own cowardice.

    Uncritical “respect” is all unreasonable beliefs need to thrive; by giving it, you’ve become an unwitting ally of those “nut-balls” and the doctrines they follow. When insane and harmful beliefs are held beyond reason, mockery IS an appropriate response. We need much more of that and much less naive appeasement.

  44. Robin says:

    Effectiveness figures of other methods of contraception do include the effects of things like forgetting to take pills, so the effectiveness figure for abstinence should include the effects of sworn abstainers having sex. Counting that, it’s nowhere near 100% effective, and miles behind any other contraceptive.

  45. gr8skpz says:

    @ James: i do seem to recall, however, the only nutballs to get real crazy over some cartoons of their beloved leader issued a ‘fatwa’ against the cartoonist for the rest of his now miserable life spent in hiding…and I don’t think they were christians.

  46. James says:

    @ gr8skpz

    Yes, today you can reliably predict what religion someone follows when you see this kind of behaviour. However, we should not lose sight of what the underlying problem is.

    The problem is they’re bullies. They think themselves entitled to demand submission. They think they have the right to forcibly impose their piety on any dissenter. They think their own will is automatically right and just.

    In their minds, the appearance of a blaspheming infidel is an opportunity to serve Allah’s perfect law. To the victims of this great flowering of pious intolerance – and to any ethically competent observer – they’re a band of thugs serving a domineering cult of subjugation.

    This totalitarianism comes straight out of Islam’s foundations; the faith needs MAJOR reform for this reason. But it would also be wrong if it came from any other source – as it often has from other religious and political systems.

    This is the point that has to be hammered home: Religious freedom means nobody gets someone else’s rules of piety rammed down their throat. This mustn’t be done TO you OR BY YOU; if your rules of piety demand you do this to others, you better change them. Muslims should attend to this project NOW.

    As for fatwas, you get this kind of thuggery with or without them. One of the scariest things about Islam is how its followers police the faith without the need for officials. I’ll grant you rabble rousing can be a tremendous catalyst for this evil, though.

  47. onlymuslimonthesite says:

    ha ha ha I am a Muslim, so I shouldn’t appreciate this comic showing the prophet. But heck, it is freakin’ hilarious!!!

  48. fenchurch says:

    @onlymuslimonthesite – Glad you enjoyed, but really what’s the big deal with portraying Mo? Not all Muslim sects feel the same way. And artists have been portraying Mo for centuries, only to have lots of these works purposely damaged later on.

  49. RJ says:

    Oh, I don’t know about sources, but i laughed like a horse for a bit. The idea is fairly obvious, but it works best in this exact “dialogue->your mom” form.

  50. Acolyte of Sagan says:

    RJ, you’re mistaking American-English for a language! Mum’s the word.

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