May 20th, 2008
Today only: write your own J&M comic!
Today only: write your own J&M comic!
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J: There is only one Author, but he consists of three parts: Author the drawer, Author the composer, and Author the holy publisher.
M: There is no author but Author, and Mo is the favourite of Author!
B: What if I told you that these are the words of a new author?
M: Authorhu akbar!
J: I believe this ridiculous thing
M: I believe something equally ridiculous but with a semantic detail on a slightly different emphasis
B: Thats ridiculous, think about what you are saying
Rob, you win!
J: This beer tastes like a the faecal matter of a swine, garnished with copious amounts of Marmite.
M: Verily. Barmaid, please deliver to us a more palatable beverage or we shall take our business elsewhere.
B: Mo, you’ve nearly finished yours – are you asking me to believe that you have sat here and willingly drunk two thirds of a glass of what you say tastes like pig crap?
M: TouchÃƒÂ©. Come Jesus, I must to bed and think on this for a spell.
J: I’m the son of God and therefore know what my father thinks all the time!
M: I’m the profit of God and he speaks to me all the time and I know what he thinks all the time!
B: So, if both statements are true and you both know God, then what does God look like and where is he exactly so I can talk to him myself?
M: HOW THE HELL SHOULD WE KNOW!?!
J: Christianity is the true faith!
M: Islam is the True Faith!
B: If they’re both the true faith, then why are there two of them?
M: #[email protected]!
J: I clearly told Paul that women are inferior, and should never hold power over a man.
M: Through my action, I too clearly demonstrated the inferior position of women.
B: But didn’t both of you once entrust your very lives in the guidance of a woman, your own mothers?
Jesus: You know Mo, I just picked up a book by Richard Dawkins… quite an riveting story…I could hardly put it down!
Mo: Clinton Richard Dawkins?!
Barkeep: Jesus, you know Dawkins doesn’t write fiction…right?
Mo: #[email protected] !
Mo: #[email protected] !
Believe in me!
No! Obey me!
That’s it — I’m cutting you both off.
Jesus: By the way, Barmaid, Mo shaved his beard off last week.
Mo: I did no such thing. As you can see, I still have it. Jesus is merely jealous because his beard looks like string glued to his chin.
Barmaid: Well, in any case, it’s good to see you have your beard back, Mo. How long do you think it’ll take for the hair you borrowed from your uni-brow to grow back in?
J: Barmaid, I’ve caught on to your trick. You let us make assertions that we have to stand behind, but make none yourself. Well no more.
M: Yeah, from now on you have to give a stance on an issue before talking about it at all. We demand objectivity! Black and white! Up and down! You have to pick a side.
M: Because… FUCK!
J: I walked on water!
M; I split the moon in half!
B: And your point?
J: I wonder if Dad would mind me going back there … you know, with all the ‘Return of Christ’ shit going on. Well, actually, I’d just like to get rid of that PS2 we have and get that new PS3 Metal Gear Solid bundle.
M: Do you want to be crucified again ?
B: I’ve finished the game.
M: Nah. I don’t think he’d mind.
J: Crikey – I’ve just had a moment of clarity – and lost my faith! I feel so, so normal. No moral crash. No depression. Just a desire to use all my rational faculties to develop an evidence-based view of the world. How wonderful!
M: Me too. What a feeling! What a relief to be at last free of all that superstition, fuzzy thinking and brainwashed obedience to what was clearly a human-constructed deity.
B: Are you guys serious? Well, that’s great – I’m so happy for you. I knew you’d come round in the end.
M: Sucker! Ha, ha, ha, ha…
(I always wanted the tables turned on Barmaid – just once 🙂 you feel sorry for the guys after a while…)
J: What shall we do with the drunken prophet!
M: What shall we do with the drunken prophet!
B: Use it to pay my wages?
M: Elias in the morning!
Excellent work, everyone; but Rob FTW. Take the rest of the day off, Rob.
clearly the most interactive strip yet…
J: Clearly, I’m powerful because I can talk with my mouth always barely open.
M: I’m more powerful because I can talk and be heard even when I clearly don’t have a mouth.
B: I’m not even seen and yet, I not only can be heard but I make a more convincing argument than either one of you two. Doesn’t this alone make me like your “God”?
M: Damn, she did it again!
Jesus: What’s with all the papal regalia? Where did I ever say ‘dress up in gold embroidery to impress the peasants’?!
Mo: Sura 4.34? I was in a bad mood that day, I didn’t mean it. I take it back!
Barmaid: What are you telling me for? Tell your people.
Mo: We’re afraid of them.
If it was up for a vote, I’d have to give it to Ophelia for that last one. I bet Jesus and Mo would be angry with their followers today.
J: All non-christians must be killed!
M: All non-muslims must be killed!
B: Wouldn’t that mean that everyone would be killed? And then there would be no one left to worship you?
J: Dark Grey!
M: Light Grey!
B: Nice to see you boys working towards a compromise. Soon, maybe you’ll be able to admit to appreciating all the colours of the rainbow.
M: Never! What do you take us for? Pansies?
J: Forgive me barkeep, it seems that I had too much to drink and have made a small mistake.
M: A lesser sin for me, but after too much drink, I also ask for forgiveness and a bit more.
B: And what would that be?
jerry w: oooof, that is awful. col (cackling out loud).
johnnieC: yeah — pansies do come in all the colors of said rainbow.
This was jun, and it does show how rare is true genius; we can’t touch Author!
jun? jun! jun=fun
fesus Q Xrist! Cataract surgery any time now.
J: Our Creator has abandoned us today, and we don’t know what we must speak!
M: We can do nothing without Him!
B: But didn’t you manage to get your asses down to this pub, order drinks, and say the whole first panel?
M: Holy shit!
This is how all conversations of Jesus and Mo with Barmaid go!!
he he he 😀
J. If you follow me I will give you eternal life. He who believes in me shall not die.
M. We’ll see about that.
B. Boys, play nice now. Surely this bar is big enough for the two of you.
J. & M. Not if he keeps saying I’m wrong it isn’t.
(No way I can compete with author. I’m dyin’ here.)
Mo: How ya doin’?
Barmaid: Pondering the meaning of life, the Universe, possibility of extra-terrestrial life and the fairy tales people still choose to believe in our day and age.
I don’t know if you ever pay attention to old comments, but either your site was updated in the last 24 hours, or my Firefox was… Either way, now the nav buttons at the bottom of the comic aren’t working. I discovered you about a month ago, and have been catching up, today however the next button “flickers” and it takes several tries to get it to accept the click and move on to the next page. IE is fine, but the latest Firefox seems fubar…
J-My father loves us all and will forgive us whatever our wrongs.
M-He gave us free will and everything.
B-Didn’t he kill you, who is apparently essentially him, and flood the world, and cast Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden just because things did’nt go his way. What was the point?