gasp

June 29th, 2007

Jesus never admits to his emissions.


Discussion (15)¬

  1. Tim Bailey says:
    June 29, 2007 at 5:38 am

    The following text comes from Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis 3.59.3.:

    “He was continent, enduring all things. Jesus digested divinity; he ate and drank in a special way, without excreting his solids. He had such a great capacity for continence that the nourishment within him was not corrupted, for he did not experience corruption.”

    attributed to Valentinus: Jesus’ Digestive System: Epistle to Agathapous, writtern before 216 CE.

    JC has come a long way… now free to let ’em rip… 😉

  2. John Cowan says:
    June 29, 2007 at 6:31 am

    As Schaff-Herzog (via Wikipedia) points out, this is Docetism or awfully close to it (the belief that Christ’s human body was an illusion), and was part of the reason why the Church pulled the plug on Clement’s sainthood in the 17th century.

    I’m no theologian, but it looks to me like it’s prima facie heresy to deny that Jesus farted. Back in the day, I used to charge fundamentalists with Arianism for remarks like this, but perhaps Docetism would have been more accurate.

  3. eenauk says:
    June 29, 2007 at 6:40 am

    i guess mo did it then.

  4. TB says:
    June 29, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Jesus didn’t fart?

    That stuff was jokingly said when a stunningly beautiful woman is encountered here.

    “omg she doesn’t take a dump, I dont believe this shit.”

  5. Hobbes says:
    June 29, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    So, there’s no such thing as “holy shit?”

  6. JohnnieCanuck says:
    July 1, 2007 at 1:21 pm

    It appears that Jesus’ holy shit is/was a matter of some controversy. I wonder if anyone got killed because of it. Current church ‘wisdom’ appears to be that there was indeed such a thing.

    This perfection thing carried over into many areas. There were big problems for the people who first observed sunspots, for example. Dogma at the time held that the sun was part of the Heavens and could not be less than perfect. Likewise that the moon had mountains instead of being smooth.

  7. Trev says:
    July 2, 2007 at 4:34 pm

    Ah… a common musing in any religious discussion: “I wonder if anyone got killed because of it.”

  8. Sondra says:
    September 20, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    This is the funniest comic I have ever seen in my life!! Thank you so much for posting your wildly creative comics.

  9. nullrend says:
    October 2, 2008 at 11:01 am

    The comments on this post are pure internets gold

  10. Sondra says:
    June 20, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Almost 4 years later and it still cracks me up.

  11. fenchurch says:
    October 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    @eenauk: “Unto he who hath smelt it, verily dealt it.”

  12. Cephas Atheos says:
    November 16, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Or my dad’s favourite : “A rat can’t smell it’s own hole.”

    Of course, we were never allowed to use that against him…

  13. Tinkling Think says:
    May 29, 2019 at 7:37 pm

    Cephas, your dad was wrong. When I go away for a couple of days, upon my return, my house smells only of me, my bed more strongly than any other part unless I have washed the linen before leaving.

    I do smell my own spoor. As I am the only one living here and as things like rotten foods are rarely, if ever, permitted it is, apart from the various scents of cleaning agents like pine disinfectants and bleaches, just about the only odour herein.

    The aromas of fresh paint, newly laid carpeting and others of a similar nature have long gone.

    It is also an error to attribute the inability to detect the scent of “home” to other species. Rats, cats, dogs and even humans definitely know the familiar glow of their nest and find it truly comforting. Poor, anosmic things that people are, they may not consciously know why arriving at their very own home is so relaxing after a holiday but it is.

    My dog would have loved this house. she would have instantly felt safe and surrounded by security; most especially after farting a few times and stinking up the couch with her body aromas.

    And, Fenchurch, while a person’s nose is often the closest detector to the event prevailing winds, even indoors, may prevent him (ladies, of course as is well known, don’t) from sensing the fumes. That privilege may be given to others. Our Mo’ may just have been fortunate in the circulation of air currents currently then in effect inside the structure.

    Though I do agree that I sometimes do register my own products – being the only one here, I notice them first.

  14. Tinkling Think says:
    May 29, 2019 at 7:40 pm

    Further to earlier, I do launder the bed linen – each and every twenty-five years, whether it needs it or not.

    The smell of clean sheets is lovely. Far more so than the vaguely animal scent of sleeping me.

  15. Mockingbird says:
    July 30, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    The excitement is intense .. .. ..

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